Messy hair, neon fingernails from saturday night, wool sweatshirt, dirty jeans... that's what today will be. Oh, and of course netflix and its unlimited amount of corny movies. And also of course this blog and my music library.
The thing about me that I've grown to accept over the years is that there are moments where I would rather spend time by myself locked up in my room typing away with my favorite music playing. It seems lonely, but no it isn't. I love as the words I type turn into a sentence then into a story. The sound of the keys is relaxing and rhythmic as I type in tune to Micheal Buble's voice- which is the song currently playing. I love company and spending time with others, but I need these times to gather my thoughts, to rethink current things, to ask myself if I am choosing the things that should be making me happy. I listen to the lyrics of these many songs that bring me happiness and bliss, can I say they are true to me? Can I apply them to my choices and my decisions?
It's a bit silly, but that's how I see it. Music can help with helping you decide things that are on your mind. It could help you rethink things. Rethink things that you thought were good for you.
For me, music is always there. Always a click away, a movement away. Just push play, just put on my headphones. There isn't anything complicated about being reunited with your favorite songs. They're always there when everyone else is away. Music is like a friend. It will change into different forms, it will always change- like a person. The only difference between music and people is that despite all the changes it goes through or is going through, it is always there, ready and armed to heal and wounded heart. I really believe that music artists are inspired to write what they write. What they are inspired to write can either be good or bad. We won't be able to know if its a good or bad message until we listen to it, take the time to analyze it, and most importantly assess the feeling it gives you. Like for me for example, I look for music that can relate to my current emotion. When I listen to a sad song, it feels like someone else is there going through it with me. When I'm mad, when I'm happy, when I'm sad, excited, disappointed, when I'm missing someone or something, when I'm determined, unsure, confused.
That is why it is important to choose the right music- because it will have an impact on the way you look at life.
I watched a movie on Anne Frank last night. It was sad seeing her family and their friends living in fear on a daily basis. I saw as she grew up, as she fell in love for the first time, shared her first kiss, defended herself from cruel lips, and as she poured out her soul to her diary. I remember her saying how she wants to be the type of women that leaves an impact on the world- not like every other women who gets married, has kids, then gets pushed aside. She said how even after she dies, she wants her writing to live on forever; and it did.
It was sad thinking about how this girl, with so much life ahead of her and so many adventures ahead, wasn't ever going to have them. But what I was glad about was that she died with the opportunity of having loved someone. Cause it's better to have died loving then to have never loved at all.
I also thought about how she said that writing was her escape from the world. Writing is an escape into my mind- a place where I'm the only one there, a place where I can think. The difference though is that she write her thoughts with the objective of them never being read. I write my thoughts without the care that someone is reading. When I write here I hope to influence whoever reads it. Whether it's one person or a dozen. I hope that whoever reads what I write can get something out of it.
I've considered a career in writing, cause all in all I love it. But I also love writing for me. Just me and nobody else. I write without really caring whether my words make sense, if my grammar is right- it doesn't matter to me just as long as I get my thoughts out. Perhaps someday I'll write a book and use this blog as my cornerstone and incorporate my stories, my experiences.
Life is something very confusing. You never know if what you have in your life is supposed to be there. You never know if you're doing things right. You never know if you should let things go. You don't know if you deserve better than what you may have settled for.You just never know and you have to go through life hoping with a faithful heart that everything will fall into place. You go through life with faith that the Lord will place the right people, situations, events, jobs, experiences into your life.
It's hard though because sometimes you feel like you're doing this all alone.
But the Lord is there to listen and offer you that encouragement. Because after all, you chose to endure in this mission. Sometimes though, you ask yourself, "what the heck was I thinking?"
For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Senior year I took a philosophy class and we studied Emerson. He has a way with making simple sentences mean so much. This particular poem is about gratitude. About not taking things for granted because after all, you never know if your lack of thankfulness for them will cause you to lose those things in your life that you have fought to keep.
For things such as food or shelter- you always expect those things to be there.
But you never know when they won't be there.
There might be a storm, a bad harvest.
You can also apply this to interactions with others.
If someone is in your life, like your mother, a sister, a brother, a friend, or a lover
you never really think about when they won't be there.
You take those people in your life for granted because you expect them to be there despite the things you do.
But you gotta work to maintain those relationships. Don't take them for granted because you never know when you'll lose them.
It's hard to sometimes- to fight. Because you sometimes don't know if its even worth fighting.
But sometimes you're even afraid.
Because what if there's something better out there for you and you don't know it?
I'm only 19 so why do I think like a 65 year old?
Why do I feel like I have to experience everything right now?
Because we're in the latter- days and He is coming.
I just want the opportunity to experience everything before then.
I know I'll have the chance to, but sometimes I feel like it's a rush against time.
Like I won't have the chance to do what I want.
I just wish it was easier choosing those things that are meant to be in your life.
I don't want to feel like I've wasted precious time on things that don't matter.
On people that take you for granted and then you think "I didn't deserve that, I don't deserve that, I deserve better".
I start work Wednesday. Finally, something I love doing and something to get my mind off my problems for a a good 8-10 hours.
Thou hast given so much to me,
Give one thing more, - a grateful heart;
Not thankful when it pleaseth me,
As if Thy blessings had spare days,
But such a heart whose pulse may be Thy praise.
~George Herbert
