I seriously love these kinds of moments where I have time to myself where I can sit back with a face mask exfoliating my face, in comfy pjs, a blanket, my computer, and music by my favorite people playing in the background. Nothing beats the feeling that my favorite music brings me. So so so much joy and an immense amount of joy. All my favorite music has been with me through all the hard tough times and has been there as the only source to bring me happiness and comfort when everything seemed to be hopeless and lost. Such a great stress reliever when I sing my lungs out to lyrics that help me forget what I want shoved away from my mind.
This week has been so crazy. Especially yesterday when I had the biggest scare. I was at the gym and all of a sudden in the middle of my workout my lower back lets out this sharp pain, a pain similar to what I had a while ago. I guess I pinched my sciatic nerve again. I went to go lay down and literally couldn't move since it hurt so much. I ended up going to the ER and they gave me 3 shots in my lower back. And gave me a lot of pain meds too. Then today I managed to make it to class and I was so drugged up, haha I have no idea how I made it through the day. Anyway, aside from that is my crazy idea to have the courage to ask a guy out. sorta. It was over tinder, ahahahahaha shut up, I know that's lame but whatever. Anyway, I invited him to our apartment Halloween party next week and told him that I would like to get to know him and then he gave me his number and told me to text him which I did, but then he dropped the whole conversation like a hot tamale and I haven't heard from him since the last time he asked me what I was making for dinner. I honestly think that there's something wrong with me cause I deflect every single guy that even comes near me. It's like I have a force field around me or something. I'm just so done. I've said that a bajillion times and whatever, but seriously no matter what I do everything goes wrong. I just want to get out of here already and get this time of my life over with and concentrate on more important things like my career and my love for music instead of worrying and over-thinking all about this dumb guy stuff. Its so unfair sometimes though because it feels like I go through so much and am faced with so many hard times to get through, but yet there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I seriously feel like there will comes a time when I'll just snap because of all the pressure and constant stress I'm under.
But that's ok because somehow I still manage to have the strength to carry on and somehow make it through it all. <3
Cause no matter how many times I'll be angry with God for what He puts me through I know deep down that one day, whenever that will be, my time will come and the happiness that I seek and have sought after will be present in my life and then everything will make sense.
In the meantime, I guess I'll just stick to my music, the people that love me and that I love and have in my life right now, and my hope that I'll see that light at the end of the tunnel one day.
And I really like this song right now. Like a lot.
