This summer, or at least what remains of it is being spent in good ol' Rexburg, Idaho with two of my roommates, Steph and Gaby. I'm working too. Early morning custodial from 4-7am 5 days a week. It's annoying getting up that early, but as soon as my shift ends I go home and sleep the rest of the day or at least I try to, but for some messed up reason my body likes waking me up two hours later when I intent to sleep for basically all day if I could-- or at least for a while than just 2 hours. Besides work, I've been reading, sleeping, and working out. It's great not having to worry about assignments that are due or grades or going to class. I can do whatever I want and it's great.
So I finished reading this one book yesterday. It's a YA book. It was cute, sickly adorable, but I enjoyed it. It was about this 13 year old girl and in it, she started dating this guy she met at McDonald's because she caught him sketching her and so she started sketching him and then they decided to introduce each other AND IT WAS SO CUTE! I'm 21 reading a book directed towards preteens, but whatever. Reading it and reading about her excitement of this new experience in her life reminded me of my own experiences, especially my first boyfriend. How cute. I remember how awkward our first date was and I remember the butterflies that I felt every time I thought about him and saw him. Our first kiss was interesting because my brother ended up throwing a phone book at us and I ended up with a bleeding lip. Fun stuff. I had no idea what I was doing and neither did he. It was sweet though. Holding his hand, lingering hugs, sweet kisses-- it was nice. We broke up like 3 times throughout our relationship, hahaha. I remember freaking out about what I would wear, whether I looked OK, whether my breath smelled, what we would do, etc. It was nice thinking about that time of my life as I read this girl's experiences and her thoughts. It also made me think about how far I've come in terms of my own views and values about relationships and how they're still continually growing and changing, single or not. Every relationship I've been in, even though they're not a lot, have taught me so much. Since my first relationship to my last one, I've learned something that has allowed me to finally be happy and content with myself and my life. Putting all those experiences together has allowed me to reach the conclusion that you can be happy on your own. That you make your own happiness. You're the one in charge. I'm not bashing on relationships or anything because they're great and amazing, but you don't need to be in a relationship to feel beautiful, worthy, or happy.You can be these things while being single too. A guy isn't necessary. A nice man is a nice addition to one's life whenever that time comes and a nice addition to your cake of life.
At this point of my life while everyone's getting married and starting their families and whatnot, I'm still single. Even though at first I was annoying about it by complaining and bashing on relationships
because I was not in one myself, I have learned to be so happy and just amazing about myself and my life. I can make my own happiness, I can take charge of my own life, I can feel worthy and beautiful all on my own.
The first person that you should learn to love should always be yourself and I feel like I've reached that point, finally. I accept and love all my imperfections. I do what I can to achieve what I want and to reach my goals for myself and be happy--not letting my circumstances affect my outlook on life and inhibit me from living my life. I'm reaping the blessings of obedience and hard work. All it took was patience and endurance through all that pain and suffering. I'm reaching my dreams. I finally figured out what I really want to do with my life. I love my friends and I love my family. And frankly, that's all I need right now. I feel as if a lot of people are rushing into marriage and relationships these days that they don't give themselves a chance to really and truly discover who they are and to really discover and experience new things. I have friends that are married and in relationships and with babies. That's great and I'm happy for them, but if I were in their shoes, I'd seriously struggle. I know I'm not ready for all that yet because I'm still working on myself and I'm enjoying just being on my own and discovering who I am, what I want, and what I find most important in life. When that time comes, great. But right now I'm totally content with my life and so happy. Happier than I've ever been really. Everything is falling into place and eventually that next part of my life will come too, but I'm good without it right now. Before I was dumb in making it something that I always worried and thought about. I made it my priority when I should have made me my priority. I should have been focusing more on my own growth and happiness instead of being marriage and relationship hungry.
Anyway, that's that. This is what listening to romantic soft relaxing music does to me. It makes me ponder and reflect on everything, especially the whole relationships issue. If you're single, enjoy life. If you're not, enjoy your life too. Everything comes at it's own time. Some later than others, but regardless, do everything to be happy. You're the only one, not a guy or anything or anyone else, that can give you the type of happiness that only you can provide for yourself. <3
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