Today I met up with Anton.
It was nice, catching up with him and stuff, but it made me wonder why in the world I ever went out with him. I mean, he's a nice guy and all, but he's just not my type. I guess I never got to really know him before being together. And then I realized how lucky I am to have such an amazing guy that I really enjoy spending time with as well as enjoying the perks of being in a relationship if ya catch my drift ;)
I really miss him.
Whenever I see couples walking by, holding hands, I'm like "awwww, I miss my Cainan"
Even though I haven't really spoken to you lately, I hope (and I know) that you read this.
Even though we are tons of miles away, my heart is still with you. Until I see you again, it will remain incomplete. I really don't know what my life would be the same without you. Probably the same, but I wouldn't have those moments where I remember the first time you came up to me and called me short, the first time you held my hand, and the last kiss we shared before I left to come back to New York, and I smile to myself and my mom asks me, "what are you smiling about?" and I'm like, "memories". I don't want you to feel like I have forgotten about you cause no matter what I'm doing, you're always on the back of my mind.
I love you, never forget that.
New Years Eve, as I stand in Times Square with my best friend and look over as we reach 2012, I'll look to my side and die a little bit inside because you're not here with me to spend one of the happiest times I love, starting over and turning over a new leaf. There's no one I would rather spend it then with you, starting off the new year with an amazing guy who has taught me so much in this short time we've been together.
I hope this makes up for my absence this week. The last time you called, I was asleep. I'm not very good with returning calls. But I know that by you reading my blog, which I know you read, it'll be like talking to you. I can hear your voice now, reciting all I have written back to me and I will be like "really? You actually read my stuff?"
The thing though is, I don't want to let myself get vulnerable by being all open about everything.
Cause there are the chances, who knows how big or small, that my words will be crushed- bringing me along with them.
I should be a lawyer
...cause I'm pretty good at winning arguments.
A negotiation here and there...I get what I want.
Mwahahahahahaha.
The post below me? Pretty dramatic, but it helped me clear my head and fall asleep faster last night.
My life doesn't suck.
At least not that much.
:P
A negotiation here and there...I get what I want.
Mwahahahahahaha.
The post below me? Pretty dramatic, but it helped me clear my head and fall asleep faster last night.
My life doesn't suck.
At least not that much.
:P
Home is where the mountains are
I hate it here.
Can I go back?
Where there aren't mistrusting people constantly bothering me about my life and what I do.
I hate being treated like a stupid little girl.
No trust in what I do.
I'm just expected to stay locked in all day?
No thanks.
I might have been fine with that before, but not anymore.
I guess I forgot what a hell living here is.
Constantly watched and having people butt into your business. Feeling like a prisoner on a constant basis.
I should have stayed in Rexburg winter semester. I don't know if I can bear 3 months of feeling on lockdown. Please job god, land me those jobs I applied for so I can get away from here.
To top it all off I feel like dying because of this stupid sore throat. I can't sleep because of it.
I miss college. And my friends. And being on my own and not having someone bug me the way my mom does. And even my brother acting like my dad, no thanks. No one asked you. I've been fine without one.
I don't want to talk to anyone.
No one.
Let me wallow in my pathetic life.
Can I go back?
Where there aren't mistrusting people constantly bothering me about my life and what I do.
I hate being treated like a stupid little girl.
No trust in what I do.
I'm just expected to stay locked in all day?
No thanks.
I might have been fine with that before, but not anymore.
I guess I forgot what a hell living here is.
Constantly watched and having people butt into your business. Feeling like a prisoner on a constant basis.
I should have stayed in Rexburg winter semester. I don't know if I can bear 3 months of feeling on lockdown. Please job god, land me those jobs I applied for so I can get away from here.
To top it all off I feel like dying because of this stupid sore throat. I can't sleep because of it.
I miss college. And my friends. And being on my own and not having someone bug me the way my mom does. And even my brother acting like my dad, no thanks. No one asked you. I've been fine without one.
I don't want to talk to anyone.
No one.
Let me wallow in my pathetic life.
I forgot how annoying my sister is
That title pretty much explains it all.
She's seriously so annoying. So I'm sitting on my bed singing along to some Backstreet Boys and she just comes in and sits there. I know this is mean, but sometimes her presence really annoys me. She makes too much noise just to annoy me. I ask her to stop and she just mimics me or insults me in the stupidest way possible. I try really hard to not scream my head off at her to leave me alone and it works half of the time. The other times I just scream at her and she starts crying and saying I don't love her. It's actually pretty funny to watch sometimes. The things she says sometimes....hahahahahahaha, so ridiculous. Like this morning she hands me a pad and she was like, "here, for your problem." What problem do I have? It was funny even though it made no sense. I guess you could say that it was a "you had to be there moment."
I really hate that feeling. You know that feeling of a very itchy spot on your back that you can't reach? That one. Where's my backscratching device?
I had the best experience today. A bit silly and stupid, but it was soooooo much fun.
I danced to my ipod.
I had my earphones in as I worked out since sometimes hearing Bob Harber's voice is annoying. With my music in I had even more energy than I normally have when I work out. Then a very upbeat crazy song came on and I just danced like a crazy person. I don't even know if you could call what I did dancing. After a bunch of jumping, dramatic arm movements, hip swaying (so much fun), and clumsy turns, I tired myself out and then I went to shower. Then I saw a commercial for Zumba. This latin dancing DVD series. OHMYGOSH. I then knew what I wanted for Christmas. I wanna learn how to dance in spanish. Like seriously, we hispanics have awesome hip moving skills; so much fun.
It surprises me that I've been awake today since I've been running on like 5 hours of sleep.
I went to bed at like 2am, fell asleep, received a call from this guy who is pretty much the reason why I couldn't fall asleep in the first place at like 4:30ish, then I couldn't fall asleep anymore and I went and got myself a bowl of cereal, sat on the couch, and watched music videos.
Somehow I'm not dead yet.
I mean I did get some nap time in my day maybe that's why.
On other matters -
How do you know that you've met the love of your life?
Cause that's what I wanna know.
I love how warm and comfy your neck is. Your cheesy smile that's so cute. I like your adorable eye twitches. Your smell. Your hands. Your back. The way you look at me. The way you hold me when you kiss me. Your hugs. Your way of mimicking me. The feel of your head on my shoulder. The look on your face when you believe me when I'm joking around with you. The way you try to convince me that I have a cute nose. Your weird scenarios. The feeling I get when I see you. The look on your face when you're concentrating on something. The sound of your voice. And especially the effect your absence has on me whenever we're apart tells me that I love you more than I knew I could love someone other than my family.
Haha, I can be cheesy, but it's so true.
Like my mom told me yesterday, when you're obedient and follow the right, the Lord places the most wonderful people in your life.
She's seriously so annoying. So I'm sitting on my bed singing along to some Backstreet Boys and she just comes in and sits there. I know this is mean, but sometimes her presence really annoys me. She makes too much noise just to annoy me. I ask her to stop and she just mimics me or insults me in the stupidest way possible. I try really hard to not scream my head off at her to leave me alone and it works half of the time. The other times I just scream at her and she starts crying and saying I don't love her. It's actually pretty funny to watch sometimes. The things she says sometimes....hahahahahahaha, so ridiculous. Like this morning she hands me a pad and she was like, "here, for your problem." What problem do I have? It was funny even though it made no sense. I guess you could say that it was a "you had to be there moment."
I really hate that feeling. You know that feeling of a very itchy spot on your back that you can't reach? That one. Where's my backscratching device?
I had the best experience today. A bit silly and stupid, but it was soooooo much fun.
I danced to my ipod.
I had my earphones in as I worked out since sometimes hearing Bob Harber's voice is annoying. With my music in I had even more energy than I normally have when I work out. Then a very upbeat crazy song came on and I just danced like a crazy person. I don't even know if you could call what I did dancing. After a bunch of jumping, dramatic arm movements, hip swaying (so much fun), and clumsy turns, I tired myself out and then I went to shower. Then I saw a commercial for Zumba. This latin dancing DVD series. OHMYGOSH. I then knew what I wanted for Christmas. I wanna learn how to dance in spanish. Like seriously, we hispanics have awesome hip moving skills; so much fun.
It surprises me that I've been awake today since I've been running on like 5 hours of sleep.
I went to bed at like 2am, fell asleep, received a call from this guy who is pretty much the reason why I couldn't fall asleep in the first place at like 4:30ish, then I couldn't fall asleep anymore and I went and got myself a bowl of cereal, sat on the couch, and watched music videos.
Somehow I'm not dead yet.
I mean I did get some nap time in my day maybe that's why.
On other matters -
How do you know that you've met the love of your life?
Cause that's what I wanna know.
I love how warm and comfy your neck is. Your cheesy smile that's so cute. I like your adorable eye twitches. Your smell. Your hands. Your back. The way you look at me. The way you hold me when you kiss me. Your hugs. Your way of mimicking me. The feel of your head on my shoulder. The look on your face when you believe me when I'm joking around with you. The way you try to convince me that I have a cute nose. Your weird scenarios. The feeling I get when I see you. The look on your face when you're concentrating on something. The sound of your voice. And especially the effect your absence has on me whenever we're apart tells me that I love you more than I knew I could love someone other than my family.
Haha, I can be cheesy, but it's so true.
Like my mom told me yesterday, when you're obedient and follow the right, the Lord places the most wonderful people in your life.
Withdrawls
I miss Rexburg already.
It's great to be home and all, but I feel like my heart is missing something, not complete.
I miss my friends.
I miss the mountains.
And I miss Cainan... a lot.
But I'm home.
With my family.
And my bed.
And my adorable pets.
But it would be so much better if he was here with me.
But I can do it, he told me on our last night together to be strong.
And I will be.
Love is something that I've never really experienced until all I thought about was you, everything I did somehow connected back to you, I loved talking about you to my friends, my siblings, my mom, my church leaders...ect, and every song that reminded me of you and us made me cry.
This seems so unreal, but it's happening and I never want it to end.
But, like I always tell myself when I'm really missing someone - distance makes the heart grow fonder.
It's great to be home and all, but I feel like my heart is missing something, not complete.
I miss my friends.
I miss the mountains.
And I miss Cainan... a lot.
But I'm home.
With my family.
And my bed.
And my adorable pets.
But it would be so much better if he was here with me.
But I can do it, he told me on our last night together to be strong.
And I will be.
Love is something that I've never really experienced until all I thought about was you, everything I did somehow connected back to you, I loved talking about you to my friends, my siblings, my mom, my church leaders...ect, and every song that reminded me of you and us made me cry.
This seems so unreal, but it's happening and I never want it to end.
But, like I always tell myself when I'm really missing someone - distance makes the heart grow fonder.
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