Pandora plays all the right songs

Today I met up with Anton.
It was nice, catching up with him and stuff, but it made me wonder why in the world I ever went out with him. I mean, he's a nice guy and all, but he's just not my type. I guess I never got to really know him before being together. And then I realized how lucky I am to have such an amazing guy that I really enjoy spending time with as well as enjoying the perks of being in a relationship if ya catch my drift ;)

I really miss him.
Whenever I see couples walking by, holding hands, I'm like "awwww, I miss my Cainan"
Even though I haven't really spoken to you lately, I hope (and I know) that you read this.
Even though we are tons of miles away, my heart is still with you. Until I see you again, it will remain incomplete. I really don't know what my life would be the same without you. Probably the same, but I wouldn't have those moments where I remember the first time you came up to me and called me short, the first time you held my hand, and the last kiss we shared before I left to come back to New York, and I smile to myself and my mom asks me, "what are you smiling about?" and I'm like, "memories". I don't want you to feel like I have forgotten about you cause no matter what I'm doing, you're always on the back of my mind.

I love you, never forget that.
New Years Eve, as I stand in Times Square with my best friend and look over as we reach 2012, I'll look to my side and die a little bit inside because you're not here with me to spend one of the happiest times I love, starting over and turning over a new leaf. There's no one I would rather spend it then with you, starting off the new year with an amazing guy who has taught me so much in this short time we've been together.

I hope this makes up for my absence this week. The last time you called, I was asleep. I'm not very good with returning calls. But I know that by you reading my blog, which I know you read, it'll be like talking to you. I can hear your voice now, reciting all I have written back to me and I will be like "really? You actually read my stuff?"

The thing though is, I don't want to let myself get vulnerable by being all open about everything.
Cause there are the chances, who knows how big or small, that my words will be crushed- bringing me along with them.