Pathetic

I feel so pathetic right now with feeling dependant on some guy and the little attention he's given me. What do I expect out of this guy I barely know? Go away feelings. I'm only like this because he's the first guy that has shown interest in me in a long time. But nothing would come of it anyway so why do I or should I care? We barely even know each other and even though he has shown rhat interest, nothing has come of it. And those times I try to just shake him out of my life- he randomly decides to say hey. Then I'm back to that place where I hope something happens and end up disappointed in myself for thinking a guy like him would actually be interested in me, HA.

I hate this. Feeling like a leper when it comes to guys. What do I do wrong? It's so hard not caring about this kind of stuff when everyone is off getting married. Like tomorrow for example, one of my friends is getting engaged. It's really annoying being part of a culture that hounds its young people to get married because it makes dating hard. Then all everyone is with this marriage mindset and so picky that they never give a chance. Then again I am like this too sometimes- with being picky. For example, I have this really good guy friend and be's so sweet and nice and funny. He's liked me at one point and I don't know if he still does. Even on his mission he writes me to check up on me and ask how things are. He'd be perfect- only thing is I don't see him in that way at all. I'm not attracted to him. And then I think, "are you being picky?" No, I'm not. I've tried giving us a chance, but I can't see him in any other way than just a friend. 

And then the guys I am attracted to are jerks, overthink the situation and take it way too seriously, or just want what I can't give them. 

That's ok though, I have my cats ;)

In other news I'm going to get a massage tomorrow so hopefully that gets rid of these negative feelings. Shooo go away!