So I wore a gray shiny dress all day today, I feel so fancy.
ha.
ha.
ha.
I'm in the best mood right now, like seriously. I finished a paper which in my opinion is pretty darn good despite the fact that I spent only today working on it, I'm listening to some amazing 80s music, I finished most of my homework (I still have a stupid draft to do for english, ew), and I just feel sooooo lucky and blessed to have such an amazing boyfriend. We went to the movies last night, took a walk in the school gardens, and then just talked. It was nice reminiscing on old tv shows we grew up with and finding many other things we have in common. Talking to him makes time just stop. I don't know if that makes sense, ehhh. Like, everything around me is gone and its just us. (:
We both talked about this last night, about how we never expected us to be together.
I mean, we "met" through facebook via that freshmen group. And now, it's like, WHOA, I can't believe a simple action like adding you as a friend on facebook would change my life and make it so amazing right now.
hahahaha, meeting through facebook.
That's quite a story.
And what makes it more cool is that I actually got what I wanted.
Since the beginning when I starting to "talk" to him, I was like, "he's mine"
and now he is.
That's a first.
I usually never get what I want.
It's so much fun confusing him and making up stories me actually believes.
He's so cute when he looks confused.
And I love looking at him.
it's so mesmerizing.
I get lost and just forget everything and it's just him.
And he says yeah a lot.
And nah.
I love it.
I need to get to bed.
But I don't want to.
All this 80's music is too good.
Like seriously, too good.
Ahhhhhhh!
I might be obsessed with the 80's again.
Not that I mind(:
WHOA
The best part of working out?
Doing it in my sports bra in the comfort of my dorm room!
Who needs the gym when I have Insanity!?
PLUS, I'm in such a great mood!
WHOA INDEED.
Doing it in my sports bra in the comfort of my dorm room!
Who needs the gym when I have Insanity!?
PLUS, I'm in such a great mood!
WHOA INDEED.
Oreos, promptings, lots of thinking, homesickness
First off, I need to stop eating unhealthy. Oreos and a banana colada for lunch is not good.
Doing all this Insanity is useless if I keep on eating like a guy.
Last night I had an XXL chulupa from Taco Bell.
Uhhhh, super healthy right?
On a brighter note, I had a pretty cool experience this morning.
I went to bed pretty late last night. Not a good idea considering me having class early in the morning. I was so tempted to skip my child development class and sleep in. I had all these thoughts in my head telling me that I could still catch up even with the class since the teacher puts the lesson on I learn. I agreed with myself to skip and cozied up in my covers and my teddy bear. "Screw this, I need to sleep". AS soon as I said these words, the song "Choose The Right" came to mind. I immediately got up, like it was an automatic response to the song. Then I went to my 7:45 class, not tired at all and actually feeling pretty good compared to last night; where I felt like dying (sort of).
I spent like practically all of English class today thinking about things and how they're going.
It made me wish to be little again and carefree about life and not worrying about things.
But this is college, I seriously gotta grow up.
And it starts with letting it happen. In time, my feelings will change and I won't have to constantly worry about whether or not I'm making the right choices.
Sometimes I ask myself why Heavenly Father takes forever to answer prayers. Maybe he wants me to figure this out on my own THEN he'll tell me? I really gotta learn to trust in myself and the decisions I make. All this doubting, like my mom said, is probably Satan's way of trying to pull me away from something that will be life changing.
I really want that answer to my prayer. I will know it was answered when my heart bursts of emotion. Then it'll be ok, I'll be ok.
All that thinking led to me missing home.
Where my mom was there to talk to. I mean the phone is alright and all, but I really do miss a good cry in my mom's arms. I miss talking to her about everything on my mind. I miss her jokes, I miss her hugs, I miss her constantly telling me how much of a messy person I am.
I miss my sister.
I miss my brother.
I miss my children.
I really feel like a depressed person today.
I need a good cry.
I really do.
Right after my workout.
Doing all this Insanity is useless if I keep on eating like a guy.
Last night I had an XXL chulupa from Taco Bell.
Uhhhh, super healthy right?
On a brighter note, I had a pretty cool experience this morning.
I went to bed pretty late last night. Not a good idea considering me having class early in the morning. I was so tempted to skip my child development class and sleep in. I had all these thoughts in my head telling me that I could still catch up even with the class since the teacher puts the lesson on I learn. I agreed with myself to skip and cozied up in my covers and my teddy bear. "Screw this, I need to sleep". AS soon as I said these words, the song "Choose The Right" came to mind. I immediately got up, like it was an automatic response to the song. Then I went to my 7:45 class, not tired at all and actually feeling pretty good compared to last night; where I felt like dying (sort of).
I spent like practically all of English class today thinking about things and how they're going.
It made me wish to be little again and carefree about life and not worrying about things.
But this is college, I seriously gotta grow up.
And it starts with letting it happen. In time, my feelings will change and I won't have to constantly worry about whether or not I'm making the right choices.
Sometimes I ask myself why Heavenly Father takes forever to answer prayers. Maybe he wants me to figure this out on my own THEN he'll tell me? I really gotta learn to trust in myself and the decisions I make. All this doubting, like my mom said, is probably Satan's way of trying to pull me away from something that will be life changing.
I really want that answer to my prayer. I will know it was answered when my heart bursts of emotion. Then it'll be ok, I'll be ok.
All that thinking led to me missing home.
Where my mom was there to talk to. I mean the phone is alright and all, but I really do miss a good cry in my mom's arms. I miss talking to her about everything on my mind. I miss her jokes, I miss her hugs, I miss her constantly telling me how much of a messy person I am.
I miss my sister.
I miss my brother.
I miss my children.
I really feel like a depressed person today.
I need a good cry.
I really do.
Right after my workout.
Insanity
So I decided yesterday that I wanted to start Insanity again. No, not the literal term insanity, but the workout.
That pretty much sums it all up. I've done Insanity like 2 times before and got SO close to actually finishing it the 2nd time, but I guess I just got too busy and forgot about it. BUT NOT THIS TIME. I am committed like 100%.
Today, I did day two. 2 workouts down, 58 to go.
This is pretty much my life for the next 58 days left of this program.
ANYWAY, for some reason, I was pretty bummed out today. Then my mommy called me as if she knew something was up. She is seriously the best and I can't wait till I see her again.
Seriously, I'm so bipolar about this whole "end of the semester, not seeing my fall/winter friends and boyfriend" situation.
And yes, I do have a boyfriend. Who I know
will be reading this eventually because he's cool like that; reading my blog.
UGH. I'm all sweaty and gross and I need to shower. But my roommate's in the shower. For like the past half an hour. Seriously, who showers that long? I don't even shower that long. 15 minutes max, but half and hour? And I'm leaving in like half an hour on a "date" with my roommate Liz to go see Rise of the Planet of the Apes which I'm pretty pumped about. And we also need to get toilet paper, we're like out of it.
"INSANITY Workout is a 60-day cardio-based total-body conditioning program that’s perhaps the most intense workout ever put on DVD. Fitness expert Shaun T drew on his collegiate track and field training plus his subsequent years of experience as an elite trainer to create a program that takes total-body conditioning to an extreme level."
That pretty much sums it all up. I've done Insanity like 2 times before and got SO close to actually finishing it the 2nd time, but I guess I just got too busy and forgot about it. BUT NOT THIS TIME. I am committed like 100%.
Today, I did day two. 2 workouts down, 58 to go.
This is pretty much my life for the next 58 days left of this program.
I actually deleted the fit test workout because...well...I just did. It wasn't really a workout, it was annoying keeping track of how many jump squats, power jumps, blah blah blah, I can do. So let's just say I'm on day 3 since I've done plyo and cardio resistance.
ANYWAY, for some reason, I was pretty bummed out today. Then my mommy called me as if she knew something was up. She is seriously the best and I can't wait till I see her again.
Seriously, I'm so bipolar about this whole "end of the semester, not seeing my fall/winter friends and boyfriend" situation.
And yes, I do have a boyfriend. Who I know
will be reading this eventually because he's cool like that; reading my blog.
UGH. I'm all sweaty and gross and I need to shower. But my roommate's in the shower. For like the past half an hour. Seriously, who showers that long? I don't even shower that long. 15 minutes max, but half and hour? And I'm leaving in like half an hour on a "date" with my roommate Liz to go see Rise of the Planet of the Apes which I'm pretty pumped about. And we also need to get toilet paper, we're like out of it.
Bulletproof Hearts
These past few days have involved a lot of pondering. I've been trying to figure out if the decision I was making about letting my heart open up again was the right one. In my past relationships, I've been hurt and stepped on all over the place and what I still blame myself for is letting them and not doing anything about it. I've was never myself when I was with them and I let them change me. With this guy, who by the way is totally amazing, I can actually be myself and I don't have to change myself to be with him. I caught him looking at me yesterday as we watched a movie and just that small moment made me realize that I should give this a chance. There was just something about the way he looked at me that in a way enlightened me and gave me that confirmation.
I believe that the Lord places certain people in our paths to help us through hard times, to keep us from swimming in our own sorrow. That's how I feel right now. Ever since I've met this guy, I haven't been depressing myself over the situation back at home. Every day I wake up with the thought, "Will I see him today?", and that instantly puts me in a brighter mood and I don't have to wake up thinking if my dad was drunk last night and caused a scene. With him in my life now, I hope that I can finally have that piece of happiness I've been missing; that feeling of caring for someone and having them care for you back.
My dad is pissed at me for not calling him. I texted him last week telling him that I loved him and that he should feel free to call me anytime. He responded that he missed me too, too much and that he needs me. He wrote that I should never forget that he loves me and that he will always be my dad. Sometimes, I just want to cry. Why is my dad the way he is? Why does he cause me so much pain? One day he can be sweet and pretty chill, but other times he is crazy, dangerous, and scary. I remember that one time that he threw something at me. I was making breakfast with Adrian and he just woke up drunk. He decided to "watch" us. He brought a chair and sat himself in front of the kitchen. We started to joke around, Adrian and I, and he thought we were making fun of him. We had our french toast and hot cocoa all set and all of a sudden, he picked one of my hand weights and threw it. It hit my plate and my cup. The hot, piercing , hot cocoa hit my legs. The pain wasn't that bad, but I cried. Not only because he threw it at me, but because I had enough. I had enough of living a life in fear. I had enough of enduring his words, his cruelty, his humiliation. I had enough of him telling me that I was not going anywhere in life, that he didn't expect anything good from me. Well, I proved him wrong. I'm in college and I plan to do something he denied- graduating and becoming someone in life. Despite his way of being, I still love my dad. It's not my job to judge his actions, that's the Lord's job. .
“Cherish all the experiences in life-those that bring sadness and sorrow and discouragement as well as those that bring joy and happiness. It will be through your personal relationship with the Savior that you will be supported and sustained during your times of greatest need.” (from patriarchal blessing)
This was my answer, the answer to why I had gone through the humiliation, the hurt, and the disappointment. Getting my patriarchal blessing changed my life. It shaped me into who I am today. Even though I got it at only sixteen and not a lot of time has passed from the time I got it to now at eighteen, I feel completely different. I am cautious when I am faced with making a choice because I want the promises that are promised to me in my blessing. I am not perfect; I have made mistakes, I have messed up, and I have gotten on the path again. Getting my blessing has allowed me to see a whole new side to the significance of the atonement of Jesus Christ. Knowing that if I'm obedient to his commandments makes me want to not disappoint him and endure all the trials he puts in front of my path. Because of the words said in my blessing, I now understand the reasons why, I have had my question answered to why I have suffered so much. All these trials that He has put in my path have not only made me stronger, but they have also humbled me. I have realized that with every trial comes a blessing, usually a blessing I failed to recognize at the time. These blessings are either small ones like getting a good grade on a test for example or something big, like having the opportunity to attend BYU-Idaho or I don't know, maybe meeting a totally amazing guy who you know will make a difference in your life. Thanks to my blessing, I now am certain that Heavenly Father loves me. I used to always doubt that He did because he put all these trials in my life from an early age, but now I know He did it to chasten me, to test my patience, and to test my faith. “Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith. Nevertheless—whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day."
This Is The Title.
SO.
It's been a while. A long while. Here's a recap of the most exciting things that have happened so far. Read it, be mesmerized. (or not, whatever)
General Conference in Utah
I am so glad I was able to go hear the prophet and his apostles speak on Saturday evening and Sunday afternoon. Actually hearing them speak was a confirmation to me that they are faithful and true servants of the Lord and that there is a true prophet here on Earth. What made it even better was going with some pretty cool people. Elisabeth, my roommate and Cainan, my American Foundations buddy/twin (apparently we have like everything in common, pretty cool stuff!) It was awesome spending time with them, it really was. Especially Cainan. He's one interesting individual that I'm happy I got to spend time with during our waiting for the afternoon session. Hahaha, if he actually gets to read this for some reason, well, hi :)
Tests
I took like 3 tests that week after conference. One for my american foundations class, one for my child development class, and one for my science foundations class. The only one I did DECENT at was my child development test; an 84. The other two I got a 76. Bleh. I really need to step it up if I want an "A" gpa. THe thing is I can't bring myself to actually sit down and study. In some cases sure, but most of the time I get distracted VERY EASILY.
On other news
I told myself before coming to college that I wouldn't let a guy distract me. That I wouldn't become mesmerized by him. That I wouldn't let myself become attached. But alas, it has happened yet again. It's pretty cool though, it's been a while.
One thing that I do have to get out of my mind is that I'm DREADING and FEARING the end of this semester. It's October, yeah, but you know what they say. Time Flies when you're having fun. AND THAT IS SO TRUE!
Well, that's pretty much it. Nothing TOO exciting. Maybe some things...hahaha.
It's been a while. A long while. Here's a recap of the most exciting things that have happened so far. Read it, be mesmerized. (or not, whatever)
General Conference in Utah
I am so glad I was able to go hear the prophet and his apostles speak on Saturday evening and Sunday afternoon. Actually hearing them speak was a confirmation to me that they are faithful and true servants of the Lord and that there is a true prophet here on Earth. What made it even better was going with some pretty cool people. Elisabeth, my roommate and Cainan, my American Foundations buddy/twin (apparently we have like everything in common, pretty cool stuff!) It was awesome spending time with them, it really was. Especially Cainan. He's one interesting individual that I'm happy I got to spend time with during our waiting for the afternoon session. Hahaha, if he actually gets to read this for some reason, well, hi :)
Tests
I took like 3 tests that week after conference. One for my american foundations class, one for my child development class, and one for my science foundations class. The only one I did DECENT at was my child development test; an 84. The other two I got a 76. Bleh. I really need to step it up if I want an "A" gpa. THe thing is I can't bring myself to actually sit down and study. In some cases sure, but most of the time I get distracted VERY EASILY.
On other news
I told myself before coming to college that I wouldn't let a guy distract me. That I wouldn't become mesmerized by him. That I wouldn't let myself become attached. But alas, it has happened yet again. It's pretty cool though, it's been a while.
One thing that I do have to get out of my mind is that I'm DREADING and FEARING the end of this semester. It's October, yeah, but you know what they say. Time Flies when you're having fun. AND THAT IS SO TRUE!
Well, that's pretty much it. Nothing TOO exciting. Maybe some things...hahaha.
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