it's hard.

It's hard to forgive someone.
I've been doing it all my life to people that went on and did the same thing to me again even after I forgave them and I don't want to keep on doing that and getting hurt time after time because of people that aren't honest with me.
I want to believe them, I want everything to be okay again, but I can't, I just can't no matter how hard I try to tell myself that they mean it and that they won't do it again.

My ability to believe others has been tarnished by my previous experiences.
If it happened once, who says it isn't going to happen again?
How do I know that everything that has been said hasn't been a lie too?

I never knew that honesty would be such a big deal to me lately.
I do it too; lie. So then why am I making this such a big deal?
Because I promised myself that I would be honest from now on and now, someone was dishonest with me after I've been trying so hard to be better.
Because it was done by someone that I really care about and someone that I thought was perfect, but I guess not.
Why is this so hard?

No one is perfect and I have to understand that.
But he was my definition of perfect and he ruined my perspective because of that one little thing.
I want to believe you, but I can't.

I need a break to think.
Good thing Thanksgiving break is on Tuesday.

Can I just go home now?
I need my mom.
She knows everything.
She'll know what to do.
25 days need to pass by fast.
I've had it with being independent and being on my own.
I'm still not ready for being on my own. I kinda am, but I don't feel it.
I feel like I'm doing everything wrong.