I love the Lord

I finally decided to take a break from the spanish gospel doctrine class and decided to go to my YSA sunday school class. Only 3 people, me included. And the other 2 were girls too. So lame.
But the lesson was amazing. Especially the song he played for us.

"I Love the Lord" by the BYU Men's Choir

I love the Lord, in Him my soul delights.
Upon His word, I ponder day and night.
He’s heard my cry, brought visions to my sleep,
And kept me safe o’er deserts and the deep.
He’s filled my heart with His consuming love,
And borne me high on wings of His great dove.

Yet oft I groan, “O wretched man am I”
My flesh is weak and I’m encompassed by
A world of sin, which holds me in it’s thrall,
If I give in and to temptations fall.
Then strength grows slack, I waste in sorrow’s vale;
My peace destroyed, my enemies prevail.

Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin.
Rejoice, my heart! And let me praise again,
The Lord my God, who is my rock and stay
To keep me strict upon His straight, plain way.
Oh let me shake at the first sight of sin
And thus escape my foes without and in.

We talked about this part in 2nd Nephi where Nephi calls himself a "wretched man".

Now, why would he call himself that if he was the closest to perfect example of steadfastness and faith?

He noted that despite his dedication to being faithful; he still had weak moments that he had to work EXTREMELY hard to overcome. 

That got me thinking, especially now where I'm falling into old habits that I've been working years to overcome.  I'm trying to be "good" again and to keep promises that I've made with the Lord numerous times, but being the weakling I am; I have broken them again and again. The thing is, I feel like I am abusing the power of the atonement. I feel sometimes like I have used my chances for forgiveness up. Could that be just me overthinking again? I know the Lord loves us, I KNOW he is ALWAYS willing to welcome us hard headed stubborn children into His arms. I really wish I had the strength to overcome my weak human moments like Nephi. Although it doesn't say in the scriptures; I know for a fact that Nephi faced temptation both in his every day life as well as in his own thoughts. I need his strength. I really do. I feel trapped sometimes though. My thoughts are what trap me in the first place and that's my fault because I feel I somehow allow these thoughts into my mind most of the time. The other half of the time I wash them out with my dedication to keep myself good and Christ like for my future family and especially the Lord.  

I think that sometimes I want to see how far I can go before I completely cross the line and the thing is that I cross the line with just the thought of wanting to see how far I can go without crossing the line. Like I said, thoughts are what bring me to do these things. Today; I somehow went from being perfectly fine to crossing the line. Like I said, it all starts with thoughts. And those thoughts come from the things you expose yourself to. I really need to work harder. Really hard to control my thoughts. With controlling what comes into my mind I control my actions. 

I really try so hard to be a better daughter to the Lord. I really want this because it could be the greatest accomplishment of my life for me.