So I'm just sitting here, right before humanities class which starts at 11:30; so like in 27 minutes. That class is so...interesting, but in a totally boring way. It's interesting though what we're doing now which is learning all about these different creation myths from around the world and comparing them to the Genesis creation story. But overall, it's pretty dull. Recap on the weekend! On Saturday I decided to be social (hahahahahaha) and "bond" with my roommates. On Saturday we had a game night and they invited all these guys. They were cute for sure, but in reality it didn't really matter to me. We played these question games which was surprisingly pretty fun. Then on Sunday after church Jessica (one of the roommates who also happens to share my name. Funny story about that I'll share later) made homemade chicken noodle soup she shared with us. /it was pretty good too. Then we sat down and watched Hercules. Then a couple guys came over (bug surprise there!) while I attempted to do some homework while watching the movie. I got nothing done really, except for my humanities homework. Then I talked with my brother, which was really nice. That was about it really. I could try to deal with this for I don't know, 2 more months? We'll see.
FHE starts today. I kinda have mixed feelings about this for some reason. Both excited and kinda freaked out about it. I hope it's not lame like my other FHE. Well, actually, that one wasn't so bad. Only difference now is that it'll be with the much older gguys, not the premish guys. I think only a couple are there? I really don't know. Whatever. We'll see how that goes.
I really need to pee before class starts.
HA.
Corre
You know that specific song that you love listening to numerous times?
That song that brings a huge smile on your face?
Well, I love this. A lot.
I love spanish music.
So beautiful.
That song that brings a huge smile on your face?
Well, I love this. A lot.
So beautiful.
The Magic Flute
As of right now at this exact moment, I'm listening to this classical piece called The Magic Flute by the London Philharmonic Orchestra and David Parry. Classical music isn't really my first choice of music, but it's alright. Very relaxing too.
I need to listen to like 99 tracks of classical music my humanities teacher assigned us and I think we need to become familiar with like 32 of these songs and we're going to be quizzed on it too. Oh boy.
As an update, I'm in the second week of spring semester. It's not too bad so far, but a lot of busy work! I barely have time to just sit or watch a movie (minus this- writing a post. I only had one class today). Classes are good, like I said very busy too. I dropped my 3 hour marriage class because I need to focus on my math class. The first day of working on math I already became hopelessly confused. So a majority of my time needs to be spent with math. I'll take the regular not three hours marriage class fall semester. :)
My classes are crazy! So much work due! I finish one thing then there's another one that pops up...it never ends!
Talking about classes, my math class is pretty interesting. I actually get it for once. But if I prepare myself before class by reviewing the day's work and of course, practicing A LOT!
In terms of dorm (or apartment life?) it's mehhh. I don't love it and I don't hate it either. My roommates are super nice and all, but they're just not the type of people that I usually associate myself with. They're crazy and loud and well, I'm really not. I can be crazy and loud at times, but not ALL the time. I'm a serious person that takes things very seriously. And at times I relax a bit and let the crazy and loudness out. And to be honest, I was brought up to be a proper, polite, quiet person.I really can't change that no matter how hard I try or whatever effort I put in to change. Like I told Liz yesterday, CUCUMBER. but a cucumber that can be very annoying at times that it really gets on your nerves. But its a nice bunch of cucumbers.
So the other day was a bit interesting for me. So I walk out of my book of mormon class with my headphones blasting and I'm all into my music and all then bam! I trip over a step I didn't see. I tried to get up, as if nothing happened, but my backpack was heavy so every time I tried to get up I just fell back down again. This girl stopped and asked me if I was OK. Yeah, I was. THEN, this really awesomely looking guy named Allen reaches out his hand for me. I grab it. It was so smooth! Then we started to laugh it off and we talked and laughed some more...it was nice. I hope to see him again (:
My classes are crazy! So much work due! I finish one thing then there's another one that pops up...it never ends!
My head hurts.
I really hate it when people ask me I have a boyfriend yet or if I like someone. It makes me listen to romantic spanish ballads and think about him. I really try to avoid it, but like a random itch, it creeps to my mind and doesn't leave. I'm on break in that department. But here in Rexburg, there's really no escaping the lovey doveyness. My roommate with her boyfriend, the married couples in my classes, the couples on the street, walking, holding hands...it just makes me sad because I blew it when I had that. Although, I'm not entirely sure if what feeling I had was love or not. Was it just love for being with someone or IN love with him? Actually both. But alas, the time will come.
HERE'S THE DEAL. Now that I've cleaned myself up spiritually, I really am ready. I'm ready to fall heads over heels in love with someone. I know, I know, typical mormon. And I feel like I always end up writing about this topic, which I do. Let's do some analysis of my life to come into some conclusions.
I grew up with absolutely no father figure. I have a dad, but he's just there. We never have heart to heart convos, nothing. I have no model for myself of what guy I should be falling for. Both of my parents are married, but their marriage is in crumbles. There's always screaming, crying, cruelty, tears-- not my idea of a happy family to grow up in. I was always taught to not talk back, to be respectful--a factor that I believe adds on to my somewhat conservative personality. Anyway, I just want an escape. I want a family that I would have loved to grownup in. I want that kind of love that I see at church, in my ward. I want that bit of happiness that doesn't only last a few months, but that happiness that lasts for all eternity. That happiness that only that person brings into your life. That person only you have eyes for and no one else matters. That person that you want to help you be a better version of yourself. That person you would do anything for and expect nothing in return That person who cares more about your happiness than their own.
It is the biggest dream I have, really.
*here come the tears*
Oh boy, some people's voices can really trigger your tear ducts to prepare to let loose.
I think about it sometimes. Who would want me though? I'm the weirdest person ever. I have stuff that's wrong with me. I have emotional baggage. Is there really someone out there that is preparing to marry me like it says in my blessing? I really do wonder.
So I went latin dancing last week and that was...interesting. It was like a youth dance all over again. Choosing someone to dance with or waiting till someone asks you. And when nobody does you ask yourself, "is there something wrong with me?" Well, obviously for me there is. I have a lame hand and foot-a product from a bad fall when I was younger and all the physical abuse I received as a child in the head that screwed up my brain. I can't do most things people can, like skip, or catch a ball with both hands, or something simple like getting dressed in the morning and wondering if you're ever going to stop wearing the foot cast you have to help you walk. I'm pretty sure there aren't a lot of people out there with my unique story. But every time I feel useless and abnormal about what I go through, I think about the why. Why the Lord gave me this. It says (somewhere, I don't really remember) that the Lord gives His strongest soldiers the hardest battles. My mom told me that the bishop told her many years ago that the Lord gives these types of conditions to those that fought with Him in battle so that they remain humble spirits. Am I really that special? Sometimes it's hard to accept that because then I feel like I'm thinking I'm all that, but I'm not.
Is there really someone that can take me and accept all of me? Someone that understands what I've been through? Someone that can help me heal? Someone that can help me forget and make me feel like there's nothing wrong with me?
QUESTIONS.
QUESTIONS.
Questions.
That I patiently have to wait to be answered.
But when? Come on, when?
I need to listen to like 99 tracks of classical music my humanities teacher assigned us and I think we need to become familiar with like 32 of these songs and we're going to be quizzed on it too. Oh boy.
As an update, I'm in the second week of spring semester. It's not too bad so far, but a lot of busy work! I barely have time to just sit or watch a movie (minus this- writing a post. I only had one class today). Classes are good, like I said very busy too. I dropped my 3 hour marriage class because I need to focus on my math class. The first day of working on math I already became hopelessly confused. So a majority of my time needs to be spent with math. I'll take the regular not three hours marriage class fall semester. :)
My classes are crazy! So much work due! I finish one thing then there's another one that pops up...it never ends!
Talking about classes, my math class is pretty interesting. I actually get it for once. But if I prepare myself before class by reviewing the day's work and of course, practicing A LOT!
In terms of dorm (or apartment life?) it's mehhh. I don't love it and I don't hate it either. My roommates are super nice and all, but they're just not the type of people that I usually associate myself with. They're crazy and loud and well, I'm really not. I can be crazy and loud at times, but not ALL the time. I'm a serious person that takes things very seriously. And at times I relax a bit and let the crazy and loudness out. And to be honest, I was brought up to be a proper, polite, quiet person.I really can't change that no matter how hard I try or whatever effort I put in to change. Like I told Liz yesterday, CUCUMBER. but a cucumber that can be very annoying at times that it really gets on your nerves. But its a nice bunch of cucumbers.
So the other day was a bit interesting for me. So I walk out of my book of mormon class with my headphones blasting and I'm all into my music and all then bam! I trip over a step I didn't see. I tried to get up, as if nothing happened, but my backpack was heavy so every time I tried to get up I just fell back down again. This girl stopped and asked me if I was OK. Yeah, I was. THEN, this really awesomely looking guy named Allen reaches out his hand for me. I grab it. It was so smooth! Then we started to laugh it off and we talked and laughed some more...it was nice. I hope to see him again (:
My classes are crazy! So much work due! I finish one thing then there's another one that pops up...it never ends!
My head hurts.
I really hate it when people ask me I have a boyfriend yet or if I like someone. It makes me listen to romantic spanish ballads and think about him. I really try to avoid it, but like a random itch, it creeps to my mind and doesn't leave. I'm on break in that department. But here in Rexburg, there's really no escaping the lovey doveyness. My roommate with her boyfriend, the married couples in my classes, the couples on the street, walking, holding hands...it just makes me sad because I blew it when I had that. Although, I'm not entirely sure if what feeling I had was love or not. Was it just love for being with someone or IN love with him? Actually both. But alas, the time will come.
HERE'S THE DEAL. Now that I've cleaned myself up spiritually, I really am ready. I'm ready to fall heads over heels in love with someone. I know, I know, typical mormon. And I feel like I always end up writing about this topic, which I do. Let's do some analysis of my life to come into some conclusions.
I grew up with absolutely no father figure. I have a dad, but he's just there. We never have heart to heart convos, nothing. I have no model for myself of what guy I should be falling for. Both of my parents are married, but their marriage is in crumbles. There's always screaming, crying, cruelty, tears-- not my idea of a happy family to grow up in. I was always taught to not talk back, to be respectful--a factor that I believe adds on to my somewhat conservative personality. Anyway, I just want an escape. I want a family that I would have loved to grownup in. I want that kind of love that I see at church, in my ward. I want that bit of happiness that doesn't only last a few months, but that happiness that lasts for all eternity. That happiness that only that person brings into your life. That person only you have eyes for and no one else matters. That person that you want to help you be a better version of yourself. That person you would do anything for and expect nothing in return That person who cares more about your happiness than their own.
It is the biggest dream I have, really.
*here come the tears*
Oh boy, some people's voices can really trigger your tear ducts to prepare to let loose.
I think about it sometimes. Who would want me though? I'm the weirdest person ever. I have stuff that's wrong with me. I have emotional baggage. Is there really someone out there that is preparing to marry me like it says in my blessing? I really do wonder.
So I went latin dancing last week and that was...interesting. It was like a youth dance all over again. Choosing someone to dance with or waiting till someone asks you. And when nobody does you ask yourself, "is there something wrong with me?" Well, obviously for me there is. I have a lame hand and foot-a product from a bad fall when I was younger and all the physical abuse I received as a child in the head that screwed up my brain. I can't do most things people can, like skip, or catch a ball with both hands, or something simple like getting dressed in the morning and wondering if you're ever going to stop wearing the foot cast you have to help you walk. I'm pretty sure there aren't a lot of people out there with my unique story. But every time I feel useless and abnormal about what I go through, I think about the why. Why the Lord gave me this. It says (somewhere, I don't really remember) that the Lord gives His strongest soldiers the hardest battles. My mom told me that the bishop told her many years ago that the Lord gives these types of conditions to those that fought with Him in battle so that they remain humble spirits. Am I really that special? Sometimes it's hard to accept that because then I feel like I'm thinking I'm all that, but I'm not.
Is there really someone that can take me and accept all of me? Someone that understands what I've been through? Someone that can help me heal? Someone that can help me forget and make me feel like there's nothing wrong with me?
QUESTIONS.
QUESTIONS.
Questions.
That I patiently have to wait to be answered.
But when? Come on, when?
Las gringas
No se que me pasa. No puedo entender porque no me puede llevar con muchachas que son puritas gringas. No me cayen bien por eso. se hacen como si son las mas interesantes y las mas bnitas---eso me mata. No me gita tipos de personas que se hacen las mejores que los demas. Ya se que no estoy en el lugar de juzgar, pero como pude sobortarles? Al menos no so malas y me hablan.
Esta es la segunda vez que me apagan la luz cuando estoy en el cuarto. Soy invisible?
Mehhhh, al menos tengo una amiga en la misma situacion y podemos sufrir juntas! :D
Esta es la segunda vez que me apagan la luz cuando estoy en el cuarto. Soy invisible?
Mehhhh, al menos tengo una amiga en la misma situacion y podemos sufrir juntas! :D
Sometimes it's easier to go with your original plans
It's already Monday. Two days of being back in Idaho.
How is it? Well, it's not super awesome, but not super horrible either. Wait, scratch that. Yes it is, just not that much though.
I really do regret switching to the first floor. I should have just stayed with my original plan, which was to share an apartment with Annka and her friend on the 3rd floor. The stairs wouldn't have been such a big deal in the end compared to now--which isn't bad. It's just "eh".
It's really awkward. All my roommates know each other and I'm like the awkward one in the picture. Like a misshapen piece of a puzzle. I gotta understand something. Something that I read on Liz's blog. That just because you're rooming together doesn't mean you have to be friends. I'll talk to them if its necessary, but that's it. I have my own friends here in Rexburg too and I can hang out with them all I want. I just live here haha. Like renting an apartment really. It'll be bearable.
This semester my MAIN priority is school. I need to get my GPA really high up. I'm almost there too--I'm 3.2 and I need it up to at least a 3.7 if I want a scholarship by the start of sophomore year.
Social wise, it shouldn't be too bad. I'm already making some pretty awesome friends :)
and seriously, prayers really are answered :)
Boy wise, NO THANKS. It just wouldn't work out--whoever it could be. Even if we're in the same track.
Being in a relationship is just too time consuming for me.
It steers me away from working on myself and focusing on more important things. Guys are just awkward to talk to. I'm done trying. Wait, that sounds depressing. I mean, I'm not giving up on relationships, just for now its the farthest thing from the front of my mind now. I really want to make my mom proud...and my dad. I want to be less of a financial burden for my mommy now that Adrian starts college in the fall.
It's not going to be so awful being away from my family this time around. Technology is a nice thing--especially video calling :D
Stephanie (from fall semester) arrived today! I'm actually meeting up with her later. I'm so excited! haha
How is it? Well, it's not super awesome, but not super horrible either. Wait, scratch that. Yes it is, just not that much though.
I really do regret switching to the first floor. I should have just stayed with my original plan, which was to share an apartment with Annka and her friend on the 3rd floor. The stairs wouldn't have been such a big deal in the end compared to now--which isn't bad. It's just "eh".
It's really awkward. All my roommates know each other and I'm like the awkward one in the picture. Like a misshapen piece of a puzzle. I gotta understand something. Something that I read on Liz's blog. That just because you're rooming together doesn't mean you have to be friends. I'll talk to them if its necessary, but that's it. I have my own friends here in Rexburg too and I can hang out with them all I want. I just live here haha. Like renting an apartment really. It'll be bearable.
This semester my MAIN priority is school. I need to get my GPA really high up. I'm almost there too--I'm 3.2 and I need it up to at least a 3.7 if I want a scholarship by the start of sophomore year.
Social wise, it shouldn't be too bad. I'm already making some pretty awesome friends :)
and seriously, prayers really are answered :)
Boy wise, NO THANKS. It just wouldn't work out--whoever it could be. Even if we're in the same track.
Being in a relationship is just too time consuming for me.
It steers me away from working on myself and focusing on more important things. Guys are just awkward to talk to. I'm done trying. Wait, that sounds depressing. I mean, I'm not giving up on relationships, just for now its the farthest thing from the front of my mind now. I really want to make my mom proud...and my dad. I want to be less of a financial burden for my mommy now that Adrian starts college in the fall.
It's not going to be so awful being away from my family this time around. Technology is a nice thing--especially video calling :D
Stephanie (from fall semester) arrived today! I'm actually meeting up with her later. I'm so excited! haha
Back to the good ol' west
I'm back to the west again! It definitely is a weird feeling. My break was so long I just can't get over the idea that I'm not going back home till July. Leaving my family was not that hard this time around, but for my mom--she started crying and saying how she's not seeing me until July and she's going to miss me. It must be hard seeing your child leave your side--with no idea whatsoever what they're up to on a daily basis.
For my little sister--she put her brave face on. She knew where I was going and what I'm going to do. She knows I'll eventually come back again.I really love her. She even let me take her One Direction poster (which took a lot of last minute convincing to get her to let me bring it), but she surrendered.
I'm definitely excited about this semester. I'm taking pretty awesome classes too! (except for math, that subject is still gruesome). I brought a ton of pictures to put on my wall. Like a collage. And I brought my Jesus Christ portrait and my Manhattan Temple picture to hang up. And Adrian actually surprised me by giving me a collection of pictures of temples. Yay!
I've been communicating with my would be roommates for this semester. They seem pretty fun. I hope we all get along great--that would make the semester very enjoyable.
How could I forget to bring my Zumba DVD set? I didn't that's for sure. I can't wait to continue with my Zumba while in school and hopefully my roommates want to do it too eventually. It seriously is so much fun! More fun and enjoyable if you're doing it with a bunch of people too! I brought up the idea to Stephanie and she seemed up for it. I hope it works out.
Staying overnight at the airport was so boring. I found a seat on the bottom level near the baggage claim area and stayed there for the remainder of the night and right now, as I type this until Kaydee's plane lands. We're taking the shuttle to Rexburg. Ugh, another long ride. At least I'll have company.
Sleeping here was hard to do. I can't sit in one place for very long because then, everything starts aching. So I think I got a total of two hours of sleep at the airport. And I feel pretty awake! And nothing went wrong! Hallelujah!
So turns out I have to pick up a box of returned things I bought for a specific someone. It would have been nice if he kept them, but he returned them. As in trying to erase any reminder of me? Well, what he gave me I accidently gave away to charity so I guess its fair? Oh well. A free comfy blanket for me! :D
Well, sadly I didn't really take any pictures of my airport "adventure". There really wasn't anything adventurous about it really. But I did snap these.
Then I took these before leaving JFK Airport in New York.
For my little sister--she put her brave face on. She knew where I was going and what I'm going to do. She knows I'll eventually come back again.I really love her. She even let me take her One Direction poster (which took a lot of last minute convincing to get her to let me bring it), but she surrendered.
I'm definitely excited about this semester. I'm taking pretty awesome classes too! (except for math, that subject is still gruesome). I brought a ton of pictures to put on my wall. Like a collage. And I brought my Jesus Christ portrait and my Manhattan Temple picture to hang up. And Adrian actually surprised me by giving me a collection of pictures of temples. Yay!
I've been communicating with my would be roommates for this semester. They seem pretty fun. I hope we all get along great--that would make the semester very enjoyable.
How could I forget to bring my Zumba DVD set? I didn't that's for sure. I can't wait to continue with my Zumba while in school and hopefully my roommates want to do it too eventually. It seriously is so much fun! More fun and enjoyable if you're doing it with a bunch of people too! I brought up the idea to Stephanie and she seemed up for it. I hope it works out.
Staying overnight at the airport was so boring. I found a seat on the bottom level near the baggage claim area and stayed there for the remainder of the night and right now, as I type this until Kaydee's plane lands. We're taking the shuttle to Rexburg. Ugh, another long ride. At least I'll have company.
Sleeping here was hard to do. I can't sit in one place for very long because then, everything starts aching. So I think I got a total of two hours of sleep at the airport. And I feel pretty awake! And nothing went wrong! Hallelujah!
So turns out I have to pick up a box of returned things I bought for a specific someone. It would have been nice if he kept them, but he returned them. As in trying to erase any reminder of me? Well, what he gave me I accidently gave away to charity so I guess its fair? Oh well. A free comfy blanket for me! :D
 |
| At the SLC airport. I would have made this portrait more fun, but try to be fun with 2 hours of sleep no matter how awake you feel. My hair's a mess. |
Then I took these before leaving JFK Airport in New York.
 | |
| Before going into security. My mom was like "take a picture girls!" So we did. | I miss her already. |
 | ||||||||
| Then my mom wanted to take one of us together. |
Tomorrow...I become a hobo
Today's Thursday and I'm freaking out. I fly out tomorrow to Salt Lake and spend the night at the airport. This is a first for me. Last time I flew with my mom and had a place to stay, but now I am on my own. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty pumped about doing something I've never done before, but I'm worried I'll die of boredom. Will I get robbed? Will something bad happen? But I'm definitely documenting this event--wouldn't miss it for the world, so pictures will be up Saturday morning (morning as in like EARLY morning)
We'll see ;)
I really hope security doesn't confiscate anything I'm bringing. I safety packed away potential items in my checked luggage. Like toothpaste, which was confiscated at the SLC airport on my flight in December. How in the world can toothpaste be dangerous?
I'm taking 17 credits this semester, and that includes math too (ew) Ever since I found out about the school awrading money to top GPA students--I have to step up my game and study my butt off this semester so that in the start of fall, I might have the award if I get to a 3.8 or 3.7 GPA and have some of my tuition paid for.
It's really going to be weird being in Rexburg without my favorite gringa, Liz.
But this semester, as I mentioned before, brings a waveful of new people.
So I gotta deal and come out of my comfort zone. \
Spring semester 12'---leeeeeesss go!
We'll see ;)
In terms of packing, I'm 98.5% done. I still need to pack my laptop, my chargers, my sneakers, and my crocs. (yes, I wear them...for comfort after a long day) :)
Hopefully this time around, my suitcase doesn't pass the 50 lbs limit. I really can't afford to pay extra, I'm a going-to-be-poor-pretty-soon college student. Turns out I accidentally paid like $1,068 instead of $800 like I planned to. So now I have like $500 to survive this semester. I literally almost cried when I saw how Iwent from having close to $2000 in the bank that I earned all by my self to a measly $500. It was a sad day.I really hope security doesn't confiscate anything I'm bringing. I safety packed away potential items in my checked luggage. Like toothpaste, which was confiscated at the SLC airport on my flight in December. How in the world can toothpaste be dangerous?
I'm taking 17 credits this semester, and that includes math too (ew) Ever since I found out about the school awrading money to top GPA students--I have to step up my game and study my butt off this semester so that in the start of fall, I might have the award if I get to a 3.8 or 3.7 GPA and have some of my tuition paid for.
It's really going to be weird being in Rexburg without my favorite gringa, Liz.
But this semester, as I mentioned before, brings a waveful of new people.
So I gotta deal and come out of my comfort zone. \
Spring semester 12'---leeeeeesss go!
Like...it's practically here (again!)
This long break has come...and gone. I remember the feeling of excitement I had coming home from fall semester. I still remember the feeling I had during my journey to Rexburg. I remember how much fun I had with my friends, even if fun meant sitting on the couch and watching movies on netflix. Now, it's that time again. A new semester. A new semester with new roommates, new classes, new faces, new guys to gaze dreamily at (i joke, i joke), and new experiences. I really hope being able to become as close to my roommates as last semester because it made my first semester bearable. I enjoyed myself so much with my roommates that I forgot to feel homesick. See, that's the thing about me. I am SUCH a family loving person and ever since I could remember-- I've always had separation issues. I hope that feeling of homesickness doesn't present itself. Hopefully the feeling decides to stay clear.
These past few weeks I have had my own personal revelation. Not "pillar of light and an angel" type, but of thought I guess I can put it. One day, during fast and testimony meeting, it just hit me. What are you doing with your life? That really got me to think about every single bad decision I've made in my life. I thought about how those bad decisions were separating me from my path; my path of life that I wanted to follow and had set for myself. This path includes marrying an RM, temple marriage, kids- basically the whole package and Mormon cliche. I realized that my future family was SO MUCH more important to me than the horrible habits that I was forming. So to the repentance process I went and boy, it was hard! But so worth it in the end and /i feel like I am free from the chain that gripped me for so long.
I took to reading the book The Miracle Of Forgiveness and it is absolutely mind changing. Not only has my whole outlook on the atonement changed, but everything else. My way of making decisions, my way of seeing myself---EVERYTHING. Now I feel like I can finally, FINALLY have that total sense of peace and joy I've wanted for so long. I love the gospel!
"All sins but those excepted by the Lord---basically, the sin against the Holy Ghost, and murder---will be forgiven to those who totally, consistently, and continuously repent in a genuine and comprehensive transformation of life... This earth life is the time to repent. We cannot afford to take any chances of dying an enemy to God."
Back on task, spring semester.
So excited for my classes. I'm taking a 3 hour marriage class on Wednesday afternoons. This is the class I am looking forward to the most. NO, not to come out of that class getting married, but to figure out the reasons and learn more about what I can do to understand my family situation better.
Anywho, I need to get on packing soon or I'm going to end up forgetting something.
Which would suck.
These past few weeks I have had my own personal revelation. Not "pillar of light and an angel" type, but of thought I guess I can put it. One day, during fast and testimony meeting, it just hit me. What are you doing with your life? That really got me to think about every single bad decision I've made in my life. I thought about how those bad decisions were separating me from my path; my path of life that I wanted to follow and had set for myself. This path includes marrying an RM, temple marriage, kids- basically the whole package and Mormon cliche. I realized that my future family was SO MUCH more important to me than the horrible habits that I was forming. So to the repentance process I went and boy, it was hard! But so worth it in the end and /i feel like I am free from the chain that gripped me for so long.
I took to reading the book The Miracle Of Forgiveness and it is absolutely mind changing. Not only has my whole outlook on the atonement changed, but everything else. My way of making decisions, my way of seeing myself---EVERYTHING. Now I feel like I can finally, FINALLY have that total sense of peace and joy I've wanted for so long. I love the gospel!
"All sins but those excepted by the Lord---basically, the sin against the Holy Ghost, and murder---will be forgiven to those who totally, consistently, and continuously repent in a genuine and comprehensive transformation of life... This earth life is the time to repent. We cannot afford to take any chances of dying an enemy to God."
Back on task, spring semester.
So excited for my classes. I'm taking a 3 hour marriage class on Wednesday afternoons. This is the class I am looking forward to the most. NO, not to come out of that class getting married, but to figure out the reasons and learn more about what I can do to understand my family situation better.
Anywho, I need to get on packing soon or I'm going to end up forgetting something.
Which would suck.
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