No naptime in college

So here I am at my internship cause there's free time since it's nap gime. When I told this one little girl there's no nap time at college she was like "that's so unfair!" Same, I feel the sane way dude. Anywho, they're all adorable little humans. They all remind me of my little sister when she was in Head Start. With their little leggings and cute backpacks, aw. Yo, my kids are going to be so cute. I was one cute child when I was their age. Can't wait to buy little cute outfits and little shoes and dress them all cute. 

The cool thing about my internship site is I get to eat with them since it's a family style setting and as teachers we lead by example. So free food! And apparently I get a ride home too since one child lives in my apartment complex. Life is great. 

All that's left is that last missing piece  which is what I've been so preoccupied with for the last year and a half. But you know what- I've prepared myself for the worst. If I don't get this second chance with this amazing person I was so dumb to screw it up with the first time, I'll be fine with it. If it wasn't meant to work out then oh well. But my gut tells me it somehow will, but then again my gut has misled me too many times so who knows? Plus I feel like I don't deserve him. He's seriously too good and he deserves the best. These past two years I've changed a lot and I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone as spritual as he is. To be honest though, everything really went downhill since he was out of my life. My gut and every fiber of my being says that everything will work out and I get hopeful and happy and whatnot then I'm reminded of stupid things and I lose hope.

I hate myself right now, I really do in terms of this dilemma. Because if it turns out the complete opposite I know I'll live through it, but I'll literally die inside. It'll be like every emotion that I have will be stripped and I'll turn into an emotionless robot. I hate this whole unknown future thing, I wanna know what's going to happen! 

Will I turn into a cat lady or will I end up happy and with the one guy who was it this whole time and I was too dumb to realize it at the moment? Like what if this is all in my head? 

I'm actually going towards the cat lady bit since I'm getting another cat. My sister and I chose either Lana or Callipoe for her. We'll see. (I was aiming towards calling her Beyonce, but my idea was turned down, haha)  

This is my next adoptive daughter guys. I see her Saturday!!