Who's that?

My dad pretty much doesn't like me anymore cause I put on my big girl pants and told him how it was. He's been trying forever to get me and my sister to go hang out with him and his lady friend. No thanks though. No matter how hard I try I can't accept her or whatever you call it. If their relationship came to pass under different circumstances then yeah sure, but not in this picture. Anyway, enough. All in all I told him that I can't accept his relationship because I can't forgive what he did. And I told him that. And he was like "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm not going to apologize for my partner now. If you ever want to talk to me you can call me or whatever, but I'm done trying to get you to accept my life now."

So yeah, that happened. Look, I don't write these things to have people pity me or whatever. I write it for me because through writing these things it's like sorting out my feelings and thoughts and in a way dumping all these worries and thoughts so they don't hurt so much. So yeah. I honestly don't care who reads what I write or what they think because this is for me. So that in the future I can look back at all of this and realize that despite all these things both good and bad- I've been blessed with experience. I'll look back one day and realize that everything was worth it and that everything I have gone through has led me to the life that the Lord has intended for me all this time. One day I'll be grateful for everything I've gone through and am going through because it is turning me into the type of person the Lord wants me to be.

For the time being though, all of this is great and all, but I don't feel complete- like I'm not achieving a level of happiness that I want to be at. Ya know? I need to get back at that level of spirituality I once was at, I seriously miss it. But the thing though is how can I have hope and faith when I've literally been torn away from at least a teeny bit of happiness. But you know what, I should at least be grateful for what I do have and for what I have been blessed with no matter how small it may seem at the time.

Like my internship for instance, it's definately a blessing. I love it. I love feeling like I'm an influence on these children I teach. I literally forget everything- all my worries and troubles literally fly away from my mind. It's nice spending these 6 hours every day being away from my thoughts and being more concerned with the well being and growth of these children and forgetting about myself. Loving these children and  feeling this concern for their well being and growth reminds me of that type of love the Lord has for us. He wants us to succeed and he wants us be happy and become the best versions of ourselves. This love for children and ability to understand them at the level that I do makes me wonder- is this love I feel for God's little children the love that the Lord feels for us?

I may sound ungrateful at times and sound like I complain, but I'm so grateful for everything because it was all been worth it and even though hard times may be ahead for me and things may not turn out like I want them to- I know in my heart that the Lord will help me through it all. I'm sorry that I've forgotten about the Lord lately, I'm sorry that I've been an ungrateful person and so preoccupied with myself. I'm sorry for forgetting all that I've been blessed with. I'm sorry for being so impatient with your timing. 

The church is true and no matter how the world may say otherwise with all this science and new ways of thought- my knowledge about the church and especially about the reality of His love will never be changed. No matter how I may fight it sometimes and may want to give up- that knowledge that the Lord loves us and that He is here with us always and is mindful of us will never change in my heart. My testimony of this gospel is forever engraven in my heart.

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