So much thinking done today and so much left to think about still.
I read through my blessing and it's there. Reading those words just overcame me with this warm chill all over that was mind blowing and would have brought me to my knees if I hadn't been sitting. Like wow.
Of course, I haven't completely made up my mind yet, but it's pretty close. I seriously don't want this desire to be a phase or whatever. I don't wanna go if everyone else is going, like, no peer pressure. Ya know?
When I weigh the pros and cons there are definitely more pros than cons. There's nothing stopping me from going anyway. No guy, no health issues, no obstacles. I'm completely free to choose. I might not be going now like it seems all these girls I know who rushed to see their bishops and whatnot. I can definitely see myself serving a full time mission and my heart tells me to just do it. What will I lose if I go? Nothing
Rather than the announcement inspiring me to rush to get my papers done, my dilemma has been answered. . I've always had the thought of going on a mission in the back of my mind. The consideration was there, weak, but there. Today also answered my prayers. I've asked for something to do with my life, for something that would make me forget all I've been through, for something that would improve me as a person and boom, this happened. Going on a mission, simple.
I honestly have so much to offer others, so much inspiration and a willingness to help and lift.
"Forget yourself and get to work." These words were spoken by Gordon B. Hinckley's father in a letter to him when he felt beaten and discouraged on his mission and wanted to quit. Those words stick to me and have been in my mind all day. What better way to grow closer to the Lord than serving His children and bringing them unto Him.
Going on a mission will also prepare me to be a mother and a wife someday. It will prepare me in a greater way than I would never really know. What better way to do something great for my future family than serving a mission. It's a blessing for them. Giving them a mother who loves them so much that even before they even exist she wants to make herself into the greatest example in their lives that they will ever have. I want to be able to offer my children the opportunity to learn from my life and going on a mission fulfills just that. Imagine, two parents who have served a full time mission. What a great and blessed home that will be.
I'm tired of thinking about myself. I'm tire of worrying abut myself. I feel selfish. I want to be able to say that I did something great with my life. I want to be able to change lives more than everything. It gives me the greatest feeling knowing that my example has changed a life. Maybe that's what my blessing means when it says I would have a great effect on the lives of God's children. Not necessarily young children only, but everyone else too-- young and old.
I'm seriously excited what effect me going on a mission will have on me.
I see all these RMs and how they are. They're always so happy, helpful, and have an overall general concern for the well-being of others and I want that too. I don't have to wait. I always thought that turning 21 or being close to that age would help me in making up my mind to go, but now that I could start the process anytime I wish, it just answers that question.
There's this scripture I read today in Alma that talks about how when we are looking for answer, we have to observe how this possible decision plays in our hearts. If the Lord wants you to go through with it, He wil cause you to keep the thought in your mind, He won't make you forget it. He'll cause this burning in your heart. But if He has other plans, He'll cause you to forget and no such feeling will be there.
I felt that today, that rush of warmth and and chill. Not your typical chill, but a warm one that shook me. Kinda in a way when Alma was struck down by the Lord. But of course, I haven't been preaching blasphemy to be struck down like he was, but a good strike.
A strike that shook me and is telling me to go, to forget myself and "get to work."
Like when one of the speakers today said, when we got baptized, we joined God's army. And what better way to serve the Master than to fight against evil and bring the world His truth.
I'm excited to hear what the prophet has in store for us tomorrow morning.
He's just full of surprises this weekend, isn't he?
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