You're strong

"You're strong"

That's what I heard in my mind as I sat in class fighting against the bombardment of tears I could feel swelling within. My friend had walked in before class and with her, there's been issues between all three of us. Some misunderstanding or whatever it is-- thing is apparently she's mad at not only my other friend, but me as well. After I talked to her Sunday telling her how I felt, letting her know why I was the way I was that afternoon, she's angry at me? She walked into class, I said hey and asked her if she was upset with me. 

"Don't talk to me, leave me alone."

Those words stabbed me so deep within that I felt so vulnerable and weak and rejected right there. I fought so hard against the tears that had started to swell up. I was in class so I had to especially not cause a scene, but I couldn't. Little by little everything was fogging up and I could feel the tears falling from my eyes. The constant thought, "Everyone you care about doesn't want you" came to mind. I thought back to all the friends I've loved and lost, my family members who reject me just for believing what I know in my heart to be true,  my own dad who left me and everyone else behind, and now this-- someone who I love dearly, who I feel inspired by, who I feel so blessed to have met turns around and says these words to me. They may seem like nothing, this may seem like nothing. Just some stupid argument, but for me, it's so much more. It just shows me that people leave. People that you care about won't stick around forever or sometimes may not even want to. But right then and there as all this negativity was running through my head, that weak, faint, voice overpowered the negative. "You're strong." I repeated it enough times that I began to believe it; that I was strong enough to fight these tears and the need to  feel hopeless and depressed with what was happening in my life. How everything was spiraling out of control. How everyone I grew to care about decided that I wasn't worth keeping and tossed me aside when I didn't do anything to them for them to be that way towards me. But you know what?

Why put in the effort to keep people in your life if they're not willing to stay on their own?

Cause by now, I've seriously had it. I've had it with trying to make people stay. 

And I've especially had it with feeling like everything is my fault.