And by "one" I mean those moments where you feel like utter crap and want to cry and don't feel good enough and have no idea where you're going or doing with your life. But this time it just randomly came up and appeared; no invitation.
After a long teary conversation with my mom, I have nothing to be sad about. I have no reason to feel this way. At all.
The past is in the past. I can't change it. It has made me stronger and into who I am. I wouldn't change it because everything that I've been through; every disappointment and every betrayal has brought me to this moment. To right now.
I'm supposed to be here, right now. There's a reason.
But sometimes though, I have my moment of weakness. Like now.
Where I feel like I can't trust anyone. Where I feel taken advantage of. Where I feel used. Where I feel cheated. Where I feel like I'm getting nothing in return. Where I ask myself, "when is it my turn to be happy too?" Like everyone else. Because that's how I feel; like I'm missing something. I just can't put my finger on it.
To be totally honest, I'm not happy. I may show it on the outside, but really, I have so many things in my life that have affected me so much that they're crushing me. Every worry, every concern, everything; it's always on my mind. No matter how much I try to really smile and be happy with life, those things creep up on me. It's their goal to make me miserable. BUT like I've mentioned before, I'm going to fight this. I'm going to win. And I will be happy again. Like I used to.
Just trying to take each day one step at a time until I get to that point.
I hope my gut feeling is right and something wonderful comes out of this semester.
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