Sometimes I just don't know what to do with everyone

Especially with that one guy. I spent so much time sharing practically everything about myself, obsessing over how gorgeous his smile is, sharing my day to day happenings with him because he asked me and showed general interest in what I was doing, but then bam, it disappeared. Plans were made and whatnot, but nothing. And I can't help but feel used. Which is silly. But why put so much interest in me at first and go from talking like everyday to nothing? At first I was like "what if he thinks I'm annoying and has actually been talking to me this whole time because he feels sorry for me?". And now I'm just like, whaaaaat?  I really don't know. 

Why is it hard to communicate how we really feel to others? It just makes me mad. Mad at others because we have been programmed to be fearful of judgement of our own feelings and mad even at myself because I have the hardest time sharing how I feel. I keep my feelings locked up deep inside of me and only bring them out when I'm by myself, like now. I even have a hard time sharing my feelings with my mom. I don't know, I guess it's just that I'm scared that no one understands how I feel. I feel as if no one knows or even has even the slightest clue of what I feel and go through. I fear judgement. With each disappointment in my life, even the smallest one, I just lose trust in others. I lose trust in sharing with others my feelings. Every time I do end up opening up, I get nothing in return and I just end up with empty hands. It was foolish of me to get my hopes of though. I set myself up for it, all by myself. Oh well, you know what they say; if someone is supposed to stay in your life, they will be in it no matter what. You don't have to work for it or impress them. They just will be and both of you will be drawn together like two forces. I guess I just opened up too much and ended up boring him or something until he got fed up with me. Everyone told me so too, don't expect anything in return. Don't get your hopes up. But being the rebellious person I am (wink wink), I ignore everyone's advice and went off on my own. And look to where that got me. But it's super confusing when one person tells you, "don't force anything with a guy because he'll think you're needy or whatever" and another tells you, "show interest, don't let him do all the work". Which side do you take? Can I just quit having feelings for guys for now. It seriously is the most time consuming thing ever.  And why do I over-analyze everything? Gaaaah, it's totally my fault. I did this. I set myself up for feeling this way about someone who doesn't see you in that way at all. 

I need to distract myself. I need to figure out what I'm doing with myself. 

I need to stop setting myself up for times like these where I feel confused. I'm so serious though, I have never felt so confused in my life than I am now trying to figure this out, but you know what? If all this is supposed to be figured out, it will get figured out on its own. My poor brain has had enough trying to piece things together, seriously.