Lately I've had a total obsession with Queen. They're just so good! And Freddie's voice is just so perfect and just ugh--I'm bummed out that I missed this era of spectacular music. Not just Queen, but other great 80s bands like Guns N Roses, Whitesnake, Poison, George Micheal, Billy Joel, etc. The lyrics are so much more meaningful too. Don't get me wrong, some music of today is great and all, but nothing will ever compare to good old classic rock.
asdfghj
I'm over the 30 day challenge thingy. Yeah.
Yesterday I dyed my hair! It's lighter and has highlights. I feel like I went blonde sometimes, hahahaha.
I'll debut it later, right now it's meh. I still need to get ready for later and I need to brush it and, yeah. Although, I did upload a picture on twitter. ANYWAY, what to share on this fine day?
Officially a week from today I'll be on a plane to Oregon with Liz then a drive to Rexburg days later. I'm seriously so ready to be back. I can't wait to see what this semester has for me. Who will I befriend, what crazy things will I do now that my chicas are with me, what guys am I going to obsess over, who will I seriously be annoyed by-- so many questions.
Since my dad left and I've been on that whole "new me" thing, I've felt great. I'm happier and I've found that I'm not spending hours just thinking about one thing and over thinking about it. It was specifically about that guy, but now I'm just letting it go. Because I don't know what it will become once I go back to school. The best thing to do is just go on as I normally do and not worry about him as if he was mine, which was what I did. And he's not "mine" hahahaha. That's one thing about me, I get attached to people easily. And when I get attached, I get infatuated by them and they're all I think about. But like I said before, I feel like I drove him away or something--probably with something stupid I might have said. Oh well.
Anyway, I'm going to go get ready. I'm going back to school shopping in a bit, wooo! I love getting new clothes. It's just the whole trip and trying on things stuff I sometimes can't stand. But pretty clothes is fun. Especially when you look good in them.
Yesterday I dyed my hair! It's lighter and has highlights. I feel like I went blonde sometimes, hahahaha.
I'll debut it later, right now it's meh. I still need to get ready for later and I need to brush it and, yeah. Although, I did upload a picture on twitter. ANYWAY, what to share on this fine day?
Officially a week from today I'll be on a plane to Oregon with Liz then a drive to Rexburg days later. I'm seriously so ready to be back. I can't wait to see what this semester has for me. Who will I befriend, what crazy things will I do now that my chicas are with me, what guys am I going to obsess over, who will I seriously be annoyed by-- so many questions.
Since my dad left and I've been on that whole "new me" thing, I've felt great. I'm happier and I've found that I'm not spending hours just thinking about one thing and over thinking about it. It was specifically about that guy, but now I'm just letting it go. Because I don't know what it will become once I go back to school. The best thing to do is just go on as I normally do and not worry about him as if he was mine, which was what I did. And he's not "mine" hahahaha. That's one thing about me, I get attached to people easily. And when I get attached, I get infatuated by them and they're all I think about. But like I said before, I feel like I drove him away or something--probably with something stupid I might have said. Oh well.
Anyway, I'm going to go get ready. I'm going back to school shopping in a bit, wooo! I love getting new clothes. It's just the whole trip and trying on things stuff I sometimes can't stand. But pretty clothes is fun. Especially when you look good in them.
I give up, here goes
Once upon a time there was a girl. This girl was a total mess until this guy showed up. Not really, but he was there. He infiltrated her mind. His general concern for her was touching and it was something she looked forward to everyday. She found herself trusting him very quickly. Her sensitivity to people made her see him for who he really was which was a person who had too endured some hard trials in his life and wanted to help others, be there for them. Without knowing him to well, she started to fall for him. His words. It was the strangest thing too. She didn't plan on it either or never thought about the effect he would have on her. She felt so pathetic; this was typical. Someone being super nice and automatically getting feelings for them. But this was different than all the others. There was something about this guy.
And the thing is, I feel like I did something wrong and drove him away. Hahahaha, typical. That's the feeling I'm getting lately. It's really stupid. It's so like me for this to happen. I just don't get it. I'm just making a big deal out of something really small. I over-exaggerate everything. And it's so freaking annoying and I want to stop.
Then this girl decided it was best just to leave it alone and move on. You can't force things. And I don't want to. But I really am grateful though, he definitely came at the right time where I needed someone to talk to. It was really nice. If that's all I was supposed to get, I'll take it.
-end ramble-
And the thing is, I feel like I did something wrong and drove him away. Hahahaha, typical. That's the feeling I'm getting lately. It's really stupid. It's so like me for this to happen. I just don't get it. I'm just making a big deal out of something really small. I over-exaggerate everything. And it's so freaking annoying and I want to stop.
Then this girl decided it was best just to leave it alone and move on. You can't force things. And I don't want to. But I really am grateful though, he definitely came at the right time where I needed someone to talk to. It was really nice. If that's all I was supposed to get, I'll take it.
-end ramble-
My life is seriously a soap opera
WHOA, HOLY CRAP.
Add up all I have learned, I never knew my dad. In reality, in just a minute, he has turned into a monster. Seriously, such a horrible individual filled with so much hate, succumbed to the things of the world.
I feel so bad for him, he literally ruined his life.
All I can do is pray for him.
But really, WOW.
Nothing will compare to what I learned today. Like really.
Add up all I have learned, I never knew my dad. In reality, in just a minute, he has turned into a monster. Seriously, such a horrible individual filled with so much hate, succumbed to the things of the world.
I feel so bad for him, he literally ruined his life.
All I can do is pray for him.
But really, WOW.
Nothing will compare to what I learned today. Like really.
He's gone, like legit
My dad is officially gone.
Forever.
I'm never seeing him again.
He didn't even have the decency to say bye.
Well, I hope he finds what he's looking for and that one day, he looks back and remembers that little girl he called "mi chinita" and how her life is.
I don't feel anything. Nothing. Not even a bit sad. I have my wonderful friends, my family, and the Lord to keep me lifted up so I don't feel the pain of abandonment.
At this point, I've reevaluated my priorities and being sad and negative is not one of them. I got this.
With people I love leaving me--I'm going to be grateful for those that choose to stay in my life and put up with me. Those that make the effort are going to get my attention. Those that don't, well, it's their loss. You know what they say, you get what you put in. I am so serious about this. Like, legit. You want to be part of my life, I'll be delighted to make room for you, just show me you actually care. I'm done caring about people who don't show the least bit of concern. I'm done with worrying about things that I have no control over.
And so, I leave you with this.
Forever.
I'm never seeing him again.
He didn't even have the decency to say bye.
Well, I hope he finds what he's looking for and that one day, he looks back and remembers that little girl he called "mi chinita" and how her life is.
I don't feel anything. Nothing. Not even a bit sad. I have my wonderful friends, my family, and the Lord to keep me lifted up so I don't feel the pain of abandonment.
At this point, I've reevaluated my priorities and being sad and negative is not one of them. I got this.
With people I love leaving me--I'm going to be grateful for those that choose to stay in my life and put up with me. Those that make the effort are going to get my attention. Those that don't, well, it's their loss. You know what they say, you get what you put in. I am so serious about this. Like, legit. You want to be part of my life, I'll be delighted to make room for you, just show me you actually care. I'm done caring about people who don't show the least bit of concern. I'm done with worrying about things that I have no control over.
And so, I leave you with this.
This is serious business. Now that I'm about to lead a new life away from what made me depressed--I'm going to change. I'm moving on.
It's exciting, really.
At this moment I feel this immense feeling of WHOA, like I'm full of happiness and anticipation for what the future holds. I'm going to throw myself into the sea of "whatever the hell happens, I'll be ok with it".
An epiphany!
I take it back. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I should work at it and stop feeling sorry for myself. I'm totally forgetting what it said in my blessing. I just have to see everything positively like I used to. It's really no use feeling like this and hurting myself with negativity. Who knows, I might end up winning.
From this day on, I'm getting out of that negative bubble I've kept myself in this week and never returning to it again. I'm gonna fight to avoid it at all costs. It's not a happy place to be in. I'm going to have sad, depressing moments in life like always, but I gotta see past them and fight against the feelings they bring. Like devil's snare in harry potter-- to just relax to get out of the entanglements hardships in life brings. To not be difficult against it, to just be calm because being calm will bring you to the finish line.
I've had this realization before, but it's never hit me like this before.
From this day on, I'm getting out of that negative bubble I've kept myself in this week and never returning to it again. I'm gonna fight to avoid it at all costs. It's not a happy place to be in. I'm going to have sad, depressing moments in life like always, but I gotta see past them and fight against the feelings they bring. Like devil's snare in harry potter-- to just relax to get out of the entanglements hardships in life brings. To not be difficult against it, to just be calm because being calm will bring you to the finish line.
I've had this realization before, but it's never hit me like this before.
People suck
One of the biggest things I absolutely hate is feeling like an option. It's especially worse when you're an option to your own best friend. Its seems like I'm a last resort sometimes when all else fails. People take advantage of me and how nice I am. Because they know I can't stay mad. It makes me so sad. Thank goodness for the friends I can count on, not many, but I know they'd be there for me always. Lately, I've been on another of those roller coasters that I seem to be having more frequently. I just get sad for no reason or I let the smallest thing get to me. It's horrible feeling like this. Like you don't matter, that you're only considered an option. I feel so lonely too sometimes, even in a room full of people or with my own family. I feel so hopeless sometimes that I feel like I'm trapped in a bubble, can't breathe, and I just wanna scream it out. I just get tired of everything and everyone sometimes. I get tired of being constantly disappointed. I get tired of the arguments, of the rejection. When he looks at me, it's like he sees nothing, like I'm not there. It's like a shot to the chest.
I really do miss him though. There, I said it. I miss my alcoholic abusive father. No matter what he is, I'll always love him. I've tried to hate him, to resent him--I've missed out on so many things because of him. But I can't. It's not in my nature to be mad at people and not forgive them. Of course, I forgive and don't forget. But I just want everything to be normal again, like when I was little. I miss that love he showed me, I miss him joking with me, I miss making him feel proud--it just frustrates me though, why me?
Of course there's a reason for everything, but sometimes I wonder how much of this until I can be happy again. I feel like I fake being happy sometimes so that no one knows that I'm breaking and hanging on a tiny thread of faith and hope on the inside.
You're a great listener blog. Thank you for letting me vent.
Even if you're not real, you're not like everyone. You don't leave.
I really do miss him though. There, I said it. I miss my alcoholic abusive father. No matter what he is, I'll always love him. I've tried to hate him, to resent him--I've missed out on so many things because of him. But I can't. It's not in my nature to be mad at people and not forgive them. Of course, I forgive and don't forget. But I just want everything to be normal again, like when I was little. I miss that love he showed me, I miss him joking with me, I miss making him feel proud--it just frustrates me though, why me?
Of course there's a reason for everything, but sometimes I wonder how much of this until I can be happy again. I feel like I fake being happy sometimes so that no one knows that I'm breaking and hanging on a tiny thread of faith and hope on the inside.
You're a great listener blog. Thank you for letting me vent.
Even if you're not real, you're not like everyone. You don't leave.
14,15,16
Day 3: Your favorite TV program
I don't have one really. I'll watch anything that is interesting to me and looks appealing. If it's good, I'll stay watching. It can range from cartoons to reality shows on VH1 to soap operas that are too overly dramatic to watch.
Day 4: Your favorite book
Why choose just 1? I have many, but I do have to say that one of my favorite to read and that I grew up with was this series by this british lady. So specific, right? Anyway, I read them maybe when I was in my early teens--so good. I was about this girl who had the everyday girly problems that a typical teenager had. And I related to them at the time. I was nice getting inside her mind for a while. And her experiences helped me through my awkward years, a stage I'm barely getting out of to this day. Anyway, I remember gushing over the time the guy she liked noticed her, when they made out under that tree, when she realized she forgot to wear a bra and it was raining, so many little insignificant things that I loved reading about. Aside from that book series, I've had other books too. There was Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck--saddest book ever because I could understand what he went through, with always having to be there for Lenny and accepting him for who he was and the things he did. He faced a serious crossroad when he had to choose between what was hard and what was the hardest. Who could forget In Cold Blood-- another of my favorites. Just shows how much karma can suck and come around and bite you in the butt. The Great Gatsby was great too, a real mind bender. Those were among the required books I was forced to read throughout high school. OH WAIT, there was also the book Lord of the Flies. So good. OH, and Catcher in the Rye. Anyway, I read these books in high school. If it wasn't for me being required to read them, I would have missed out on great literature. Then there was reading all those romance novels. I think that's what added to my love for the concept of love. Ah, I miss those days. Those days where I could find an incredibly great gushy romance book and read about what I wanted in my own life someday.
Off track rambling: If you count the number of times I've obsessed over a guy I'd definitely be the richest person ever. It's a tiring thing; not necessarily "obsessing", more like "immensely intrigued". It's childish calling it a crush even though that's what it is, what they all were. At this point, I've spent countless time thinking it over, mainly that whole "crush/chasing/making an effort" concept and it has literally driven me insane. Maybe someone caused it, maybe not; who knows. But like, I'm done. I'm done trying to find that guy. I feel like I've wasted so much time looking for that one guy that I am promised to. For once, let him find me because I'm fed up with getting into relationships with guys that are temporary. I just want that one guy and I'll be perfectly content with any amount of whirlwind life decides to throw at me. I've had to admit it to myself and have many tell me, that a relationship shouldn't be everything to you. That everything isn't going to be magically and automatically better once you're in a relationship. I totally understand that, but I am seriously the most hopeless of all hopeless romantics. For me it will. It's like I was made to have someone by my side because then it feels like I'm missing something. Like Plato pointed out how in Greek mythology man was born with another half that completes them, that's how I am. And when people find this out about me; how I'm in love with the whole marriage/love idea; they see me as a marriage obsessed chick, which I'm not. The idea of marriage is so beautiful because it means that you're reunited with your other half. You're reunited with that one person who makes you whole. Marrying them brings you a little bit of heaven because in the premortal life, you were together. So don't say I'm obsessed. Cause I'm not. I see things in a different light. So like I said, I'm done trying to find my other half. I know he's out there and I'll wait till he finally decides it's time to look for me. I know that whole debate thing "Why must the guy do all the work? Blah blah blah" deal, but man was created first, man was created to take charge. It's not sexism, it's the truth. Heavenly Father meant for men to be the protectors and providers of the family so I'm pretty sure that when he said that he also meant the whole "conquest" concept. But hey, that's just my opinion. It may not be true, it could be the other way around, but for me--I like tradition. Until then, I'll wait around for that one guy who likes tradition too and conquers my heart by the art of wooing. Like in Shakespearean times. When I see this, I'll know I've found my other missing half. For once, let him do all the work.
Day 5: Your favorite quote
Haha, I just literally talked about it with the whole Greek-other-half ramble. But here's another one to end this post. I live by this quote or at least, I'm trying really hard to.
“You're going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it's always their actions you should judge them by. It's actions, not words, that matter.” ― Nicholas Sparks
an era that I wish I was a part of
Day 2: Your favorite movie
Erg, like picking a favorite song, picking a favorite movie is impossible. One of my favorites though has to be the Breakfast Club. Hilarious. Never get tired of watching it. And Judd Nelson is so attractive, ohmygosh. Maybe it's the whole "bad boy" image he has in the movie. I sure do like that bad boy image.
My favorite moments from two favorite 80s movies:
And also, is it just me or are guys from the 80s so much better looking than the guys of today? Yup. And more romantic.
It seems that guys from then were more willing to do more things for the girl that they wanted. With no internet; no facebook, no twitter, no texting- they actually had to get off their butts and do something to get the girl and not rely on technology to do it for them and to not have to actually face her and have something to hide behind. Sometimes I just wish that I lived in that era. Things were so much simpler without all these tech things. It seems that they're replacing good old fashioned wooing. Instead it's world full of misunderstandings, misunderstandings that arise from misinterpreted status updates and emotionless text messages. Where did all the romance go? The 80s definitely had it. I admit, it was an age of sex, drugs, and rock and roll, but guys during that time had more balls than the guys of today. Of course, there are the exceptions. People were more daring and more willing to do something other than just staying home and watching tv. Everything was so simple in terms of technology that one had to actually get up and go look for something to do. No facebook to spend hours on scrolling through the same thing over and over, no texting to spend tons of time obsessing over the real meaning behind a silly text, no tumblr to spend hours laughing over weird things-- I don't know, that's just what I think. I wanna try to stop relying so much on technology in terms of building relationships with others whether it be with friends or whatever. It's so helpful, don't get me wring. Technology is something I'm grateful for, but it's getting in the way of reality. On a daily basis there are people who rely on technology to hide themselves behind. They use technology as something to be able to say things that one wouldn't normally say in real life. It's true, I do that, but I want to stop relying so much on it.
I just love 80s movies too much and maybe they're getting to my head. I just love how simple romance was during that time. Maybe not with the sex and drugs the 80s had, that's for sure.
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe romance was really screwed up and confusing as it is today. Or maybe I'm not.
I know I'm going to look back on this and laugh at my 19 year old self and how pathetic I was. I'll still be pathetic in the future so makes no difference.
A little 80s on here.
Those blue jeans, ahh snap.
Erg, like picking a favorite song, picking a favorite movie is impossible. One of my favorites though has to be the Breakfast Club. Hilarious. Never get tired of watching it. And Judd Nelson is so attractive, ohmygosh. Maybe it's the whole "bad boy" image he has in the movie. I sure do like that bad boy image.
My favorite moments from two favorite 80s movies:
It seems that guys from then were more willing to do more things for the girl that they wanted. With no internet; no facebook, no twitter, no texting- they actually had to get off their butts and do something to get the girl and not rely on technology to do it for them and to not have to actually face her and have something to hide behind. Sometimes I just wish that I lived in that era. Things were so much simpler without all these tech things. It seems that they're replacing good old fashioned wooing. Instead it's world full of misunderstandings, misunderstandings that arise from misinterpreted status updates and emotionless text messages. Where did all the romance go? The 80s definitely had it. I admit, it was an age of sex, drugs, and rock and roll, but guys during that time had more balls than the guys of today. Of course, there are the exceptions. People were more daring and more willing to do something other than just staying home and watching tv. Everything was so simple in terms of technology that one had to actually get up and go look for something to do. No facebook to spend hours on scrolling through the same thing over and over, no texting to spend tons of time obsessing over the real meaning behind a silly text, no tumblr to spend hours laughing over weird things-- I don't know, that's just what I think. I wanna try to stop relying so much on technology in terms of building relationships with others whether it be with friends or whatever. It's so helpful, don't get me wring. Technology is something I'm grateful for, but it's getting in the way of reality. On a daily basis there are people who rely on technology to hide themselves behind. They use technology as something to be able to say things that one wouldn't normally say in real life. It's true, I do that, but I want to stop relying so much on it.
I just love 80s movies too much and maybe they're getting to my head. I just love how simple romance was during that time. Maybe not with the sex and drugs the 80s had, that's for sure.
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe romance was really screwed up and confusing as it is today. Or maybe I'm not.
I know I'm going to look back on this and laugh at my 19 year old self and how pathetic I was. I'll still be pathetic in the future so makes no difference.
A little 80s on here.
All in all, this makes sense and describes what I'm trying to get across perfectly
“Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80’s movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80’s movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.”
— Olive; Easy A
can I store them all in a box and forget about them for a little while?
Today was quite something. Realizations, changing mindsets, and of course who could forget the usual bucketful of emotions.
Arriverdechi.
Arriverdechi.
Dia Uno
Day 1 is your favorite song.
But I have so many! How can I possibly choose just one?! It's blasphemy! So I'm just going to share what's currently playing, so much easier than picking just one song. It's impossible to pick just one, it gives me a headache trying to figure one out.
This song brings back so many memories of when I only owned a CD player and made CDs full of mp3 that I downloaded. I'd spend hours listening to those CDs. So much until I finally discovered the iPod. Reminds me of when I started to grow up, to realize that life isn't really what I wanted it to be. Reminds me when music started to become one of the biggest aspects of my life.
But I have so many! How can I possibly choose just one?! It's blasphemy! So I'm just going to share what's currently playing, so much easier than picking just one song. It's impossible to pick just one, it gives me a headache trying to figure one out.
This song brings back so many memories of when I only owned a CD player and made CDs full of mp3 that I downloaded. I'd spend hours listening to those CDs. So much until I finally discovered the iPod. Reminds me of when I started to grow up, to realize that life isn't really what I wanted it to be. Reminds me when music started to become one of the biggest aspects of my life.
Tomorrow is the start of shark week! Woo!
And what better way to kick it off than by going to the aquarium. Yes, I know, it's on a Sunday, but doing something like this once in my life isn't going to kill me. I've never missed church once in my life so I think I'm entitled to a day like this. Don't get me wrong, I love Sundays and I'm all about keeping the Sabbath day sacred so I know right now I'm sounding like a total hypocrite. I know Heavenly Father won't shun me for missing church one day, right?
The last time I went to the aquarium, especially the one we're going to--the NY Aquarium in the city, was when I was 6. I can't wait to go again after so many years. The shark tank is definitely my favorite. Sharks are my favorite. They're so misunderstood solely because of their appearance. They are beautiful creatures. The look of their skin, their jaws, their eyes, and their abilities to be the greatest predators in the sea. At the aquarium I have the ability to observe them, take in their beauty, and thank the Lord for such a beautiful creation. Basically all living things here on Earth are the most beautiful because they were made by the Lord. How can anyone doubt that the Lord was the Creator? Beauty here on Earth couldn't simply have happened just like that. I'm sure science had its part in the Creation, but I know that the Lord was the main one. I really don't understand how some people don't believe in God. Science can't explain everything. And besides, there wouldn't be any science without someone having created all its components first. And that someone is God. Simple. Nothing could have started without Him.
It's crazy though, how school starts again in a couple weeks. I don't know if I'm ready to go back. Definitely ready to see my girls again that's for sure, but the school stuff? But my courses look so interesting though so it shouldn't be that bad, right? Plus, I have someone willing to help me with my money management class so I'm pretty sure I'll make it out alive this semester. I always do.
On that note, here's a(nother) song I really enjoy.
Another challenge and cat pictures
To avoid another writer's block, I'm going to do another 30 day challenge. I didn't even finish the last one haha, but oh well. Will give me something to do later.
Day 01 -- your favorite song
Day 02 -- your favorite movie
Day 03 -- your favorite television program
Day 04 -- your favorite book
Day 05 -- your favorite quote
Day 06 -- whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 -- a photo that makes you happy
Day 08 -- a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 -- a photo you took
Day 10 -- a photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 -- a photo of you taken recently
Day 12 -- whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 -- a fictional book
Day 14 -- a non-fictional book
Day 15 -- a fanfic
Day 16 -- a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 -- an art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 -- whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 -- a talent of yours
Day 20 -- a hobby of yours
Day 21 -- a recipe
Day 22 -- a website
Day 23 -- a youtube video
Day 24 -- whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 -- your day, in great detail
Day 26 -- your week, in great detail
Day 27 -- this month, in great detail
Day 28 -- this year, in great detail
Day 29 -- hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 -- whatever tickles your fancy
Day 01 -- your favorite song
Day 02 -- your favorite movie
Day 03 -- your favorite television program
Day 04 -- your favorite book
Day 05 -- your favorite quote
Day 06 -- whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 -- a photo that makes you happy
Day 08 -- a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 -- a photo you took
Day 10 -- a photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 -- a photo of you taken recently
Day 12 -- whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 -- a fictional book
Day 14 -- a non-fictional book
Day 15 -- a fanfic
Day 16 -- a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 -- an art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 -- whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 -- a talent of yours
Day 20 -- a hobby of yours
Day 21 -- a recipe
Day 22 -- a website
Day 23 -- a youtube video
Day 24 -- whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 -- your day, in great detail
Day 26 -- your week, in great detail
Day 27 -- this month, in great detail
Day 28 -- this year, in great detail
Day 29 -- hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 -- whatever tickles your fancy
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| MUH BABEZ |
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| like a little jaguar |
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| The amount of love I have for my cat goes to the moon and never comes back(: |
Things
Because I'm in a writer's ditch right now, here.
A list of things.
-Things that make your heart run, jump, and twirl in the air
-Those texts from that person you are always happy to hear from and will drop anything you're doing to reply
-Singing songs that go with your current emotion
-The feel of wind blowing
-Rain, thunderstorms, lightning
-Getting caught in the rain
-Updating my iPod
-Memorizing lyrics to a song
-Cuddling
-Holding hands
-Getting hugged from behind
-Morning texts
-Finishing a workout drenched in sweat
-Holding my cat
-Sleeping with no covers on
-The feeling after a shower
-Compliments
-Roller-coasters and being upside down
-Listening to music you haven't listened to in a long time and still knowing the words to every song
-Love songs
-Scary movies and having someone there to shield you from the scary parts
-Screaming during a scary movie
-Not being able to stop laughing
-The Backstreet Boys
-Having great dreams
-Laying on the grass
-Family outings
-Shark Week
-Great white sharks
-Sundays are dress up days
-Falling asleep on someone's shoulder
-Being held when you feel like you can't
-Friends
-Talks with my best friend
-Naps
-People that care
-Christmas
-Cold weather
-Watching movies when it's snowing/raining
-Power outages
-Old cartoons
-Guys with muscles
-Guys with a sense of humor
-Bearing my testimony in my home ward
-Ecuadorian food
-Food in general
-Combining all the slurpie flavors at the 7-11
-Pillows
-The feeling after a good cry
-Tumblr
-Soreness after a workout
-Ice cold water
-Chewing on ice
-Movie marathons
-Cooking something yummy
-Fall Out Boy and Panic! at the Disco
-Laughing too much it hurts
-When cute missionaries are transferred to my ward
-Finishing a good book
El universo escribio que fueras para mi
Work out done, showered, ate breakfast, dressed-- now just sitting on my bed listening and singing along to Camila. The thing about this Mexican ballad group is that it describes my love life so perfectly. When I sing their words I feel so...hard to describe-- this kind of euphoria that gives me this extreme sense of well being. Especially singing along to this, wow. The rush of passion. The rush of emotions.
All in all, I love singing in Spanish. Has to be one of my favorite things.
The people who don't realize how much they really mean to me
So grateful for everyone that has entered my life this past year.
Without any of them, I don't know how I would have gotten through everything.
Every little thing they do, means so much. Knowing that they're grateful for me and having their love expressed everyday in the simplest ways really means so much to me, more than they will ever know.
I wish I could put every one of them in my pocket so that I could give them a hug for every time they make me smile and make me feel so loved and appreciated.
Life, no matter how crappy it is, is so much better when you have a group of people that find ways to make your day with the simplest actions.
Without any of them, I don't know how I would have gotten through everything.
Every little thing they do, means so much. Knowing that they're grateful for me and having their love expressed everyday in the simplest ways really means so much to me, more than they will ever know.
I wish I could put every one of them in my pocket so that I could give them a hug for every time they make me smile and make me feel so loved and appreciated.
Life, no matter how crappy it is, is so much better when you have a group of people that find ways to make your day with the simplest actions.
I hate him, but then I love him
Why do I let him treat me like crap? We have the biggest hate-love relationship.
One minute I wanna kill him, literally kill him. He gives me the biggest headaches. And I just hate him. Hate him so much.
But then other times he's my best friend and I love him so much.
But he takes advantage of me. Takes advantage that I love him even after all the things he does. And expects me to forgive him every time. Doesn't leave me alone when I try to show that I don't need him and that I don't care. He never takes no as an answer. "Please, I'm your brother, I'm sorry".
I'm getting fed up with this weakness I have. The biggest weakness; forgiving those that don't deserve it. I always let him win. I let him think he's won by my giving in.
He acts like he's my dad, making me feel like the worst person when I make the smallest mistake.
He's always right in his mind.
Why do I always give second chances to those that hurt me? I guess it's because I fear that if I don't, they won't stay in my life. That's another thing, I love the good side of our relationship we have and I never wanna lose that. But then again, he's the only one who's ever hurt me the deepest. The only one who has made me shed the most tears. But he's also the only one who knows exactly what makes me smile, what makes me laugh. We've been through hell together. Sigh, my life is such a big tangle of emotion.
Now I get it. In my blessing it also says how I have a kind and forgiving heart.
Blessing and a curse.
Forgiveness is my biggest weakness. I give it too easily because no matter what someone does to me, I still see the total good in them and I can't bring myself to stay conflicted with them. I hate conflict and being involved in it. That's why I can never take sides.
I'm too nice for my own sake sometimes.
Seriously the biggest headache right now.
Sometimes I feel like I live in a bubble and I can't get away from all the things that make me feel confused, angry, upset, every emotion. I just want to take myself out of that bubble, just for a moment, and forget everything. To just not have to think or feel anymore, just for a moment.
Bless whoever ends up being married to me. Like seriously.
A guy with the biggest patience and understanding with my daily mood changes and emotional baggage.
Whoever you are, thank you for putting up with me in the future.
One minute I wanna kill him, literally kill him. He gives me the biggest headaches. And I just hate him. Hate him so much.
But then other times he's my best friend and I love him so much.
But he takes advantage of me. Takes advantage that I love him even after all the things he does. And expects me to forgive him every time. Doesn't leave me alone when I try to show that I don't need him and that I don't care. He never takes no as an answer. "Please, I'm your brother, I'm sorry".
I'm getting fed up with this weakness I have. The biggest weakness; forgiving those that don't deserve it. I always let him win. I let him think he's won by my giving in.
He acts like he's my dad, making me feel like the worst person when I make the smallest mistake.
He's always right in his mind.
Why do I always give second chances to those that hurt me? I guess it's because I fear that if I don't, they won't stay in my life. That's another thing, I love the good side of our relationship we have and I never wanna lose that. But then again, he's the only one who's ever hurt me the deepest. The only one who has made me shed the most tears. But he's also the only one who knows exactly what makes me smile, what makes me laugh. We've been through hell together. Sigh, my life is such a big tangle of emotion.
Now I get it. In my blessing it also says how I have a kind and forgiving heart.
Blessing and a curse.
Forgiveness is my biggest weakness. I give it too easily because no matter what someone does to me, I still see the total good in them and I can't bring myself to stay conflicted with them. I hate conflict and being involved in it. That's why I can never take sides.
I'm too nice for my own sake sometimes.
Seriously the biggest headache right now.
Sometimes I feel like I live in a bubble and I can't get away from all the things that make me feel confused, angry, upset, every emotion. I just want to take myself out of that bubble, just for a moment, and forget everything. To just not have to think or feel anymore, just for a moment.
Bless whoever ends up being married to me. Like seriously.
A guy with the biggest patience and understanding with my daily mood changes and emotional baggage.
Whoever you are, thank you for putting up with me in the future.
And this is why I sometimes hate being home
When I'm anticipating going home when I'm at school, I ALWAYS forget the huge reason why I love going away from everyone-- as far as possible. Every time I'm home, especially now; with only like 5 more weeks left till I go back, I'm CONSTANTLY yelled at for not doing anything, and by anything it's washing the dishes. I'll do it, I have no problem with getting my hands wet or anything, but it's sexist. Adrian's here too, why doesn't he do it? It seems like when I'm not here, my mom is the only one who does the things around here, but when I'm back everyone expects me to do everything and when I don't do something as small as wash a silly pile of dirty dishes, it's like WW3 here. I'm called lazy and inconsiderate. First of all, I come home from school hoping to escape all the stresses that school brings, but noooooo, I constantly come back to this. And sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to still hold up with bearing all the nagging. Maybe one day I just might stay in Rexburg for once. But despite the constant nagging, I love being home. But like sometimes with all the nagging, I sometimes feel like just packing my bag and leaving. But then I'm like "I love being home"
I never win.
haha
I never win.
haha
It works!
Actually not over-thinking and worrying about it is the way to go.
Just live with what's happening today and not worry so much about the future.
1 month to go till I fly with my best chica to Oregon then the land of the potato (again!)
Crazy how fast my break is going.
So many plans for these next following weeks.
Aquarium, pool, water park, the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, BBQs, my best friend comes back from training... hope these things happen with the weeks I have left here!
:)
Just live with what's happening today and not worry so much about the future.
1 month to go till I fly with my best chica to Oregon then the land of the potato (again!)
Crazy how fast my break is going.
So many plans for these next following weeks.
Aquarium, pool, water park, the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, BBQs, my best friend comes back from training... hope these things happen with the weeks I have left here!
:)
Mientras busco el tiempo que perdi
There come many points in your life when you accept defeat. When you gave it your all, you actually put in the effort, but things just don't go the way you wanted them to and you finally decide to let it go, to forget about it, or at least try to. Even though you don't know if you lost, you can still somehow feel you did. And with having the knack to know things by simply feeling them, I know I lost. Who knows, I might be wrong. Like my blessing points out, I always have hope in my heart. And that's true. No matter the amount of loss or lost cause- I always have that tiny light of hope in my heart that somehow, my decision to abandon the effort is wrong and that it will work out how I want it to.
This blog should become a book. Like really. I sometimes astonish myself by the things I'm actually capable of writing. All the emotion that goes into every word I write when spoken words aren't enough to express how I feel. It has been a year since I first started this blog and I'm so proud of myself. I actually stuck to writing. Every time I write, I feel like I'm letting go of the weight that I'm carrying, even if it's just a little. And right now, that's exactly how I feel. Like I'm dumping that weight that has hung over me on here by writing. Like I can finally breathe again. There will always be instances in my life where it feels like everything and everyone is against me and this blog I have, as insignificant as it is to everyone else or to whoever stumbles across it, is like a best friend that I can tell these things to without them saying anything. Just being there to carry my daily worries and fears. Kind of like Christ since He does the same, carries all our sorrows and fears. Writing and the Gospel I have come to realize offer me that opportunity to somehow give up the rocks I carry on my back. They'll hold them for me until I am strong to carry them on my own. I have my mom, my friends and all that, but they don't really offer me that sense of peace that being in the Church and writing how I feel do. That's another thing, I want to find that person that is not my parent or just a friend, but the lover. The lover that can help me carry those burdens, who can help me at least not feel the pain that those burdens bring. One day, and boy, do I look forward to that day when I meet that person. Whoever it is, wherever they are, I already love them. Love them simply for being chosen by the Lord as the indicated man to be in my life and spend forever with.
I don't know if I made sense nor do I really care. As long as it makes sense to me, I'm good.
When I write here, I don't really specifically write to anyone. I only write for myself, with me in mind. I write what's on my mind and if anybody actually reads what I write, great. If anybody can actually relate, even better because then you'll have someone that's going through life the same way you are.
You know that feeling you get after taking a deep breath?
That's how I feel right now.
From now on, I'm going to stop letting the constant depressing feelings that seek after me get inside my head. I can defeat them on my own, if I need help, well, the offer's always open for whoever wants to help.
This blog should become a book. Like really. I sometimes astonish myself by the things I'm actually capable of writing. All the emotion that goes into every word I write when spoken words aren't enough to express how I feel. It has been a year since I first started this blog and I'm so proud of myself. I actually stuck to writing. Every time I write, I feel like I'm letting go of the weight that I'm carrying, even if it's just a little. And right now, that's exactly how I feel. Like I'm dumping that weight that has hung over me on here by writing. Like I can finally breathe again. There will always be instances in my life where it feels like everything and everyone is against me and this blog I have, as insignificant as it is to everyone else or to whoever stumbles across it, is like a best friend that I can tell these things to without them saying anything. Just being there to carry my daily worries and fears. Kind of like Christ since He does the same, carries all our sorrows and fears. Writing and the Gospel I have come to realize offer me that opportunity to somehow give up the rocks I carry on my back. They'll hold them for me until I am strong to carry them on my own. I have my mom, my friends and all that, but they don't really offer me that sense of peace that being in the Church and writing how I feel do. That's another thing, I want to find that person that is not my parent or just a friend, but the lover. The lover that can help me carry those burdens, who can help me at least not feel the pain that those burdens bring. One day, and boy, do I look forward to that day when I meet that person. Whoever it is, wherever they are, I already love them. Love them simply for being chosen by the Lord as the indicated man to be in my life and spend forever with.
I don't know if I made sense nor do I really care. As long as it makes sense to me, I'm good.
When I write here, I don't really specifically write to anyone. I only write for myself, with me in mind. I write what's on my mind and if anybody actually reads what I write, great. If anybody can actually relate, even better because then you'll have someone that's going through life the same way you are.
You know that feeling you get after taking a deep breath?
That's how I feel right now.
From now on, I'm going to stop letting the constant depressing feelings that seek after me get inside my head. I can defeat them on my own, if I need help, well, the offer's always open for whoever wants to help.
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