i hate getting the peanut shells on my keyboard because they get impossible to get out

It's freaky how right mothers are about things.It's like they're witches are something because let me tell you, my mom has been right about everything. From school to friends and even boyfriends.

Speaking of which -

I need to write things down in order to get my thoughts in order. Cause what just happened like an hour ago was like getting hit by a bus while crossing a street, but yet having a gut feeling you were going to get hit but you choose to ignore it because you're so sure things like this don't happen to you.

But it did.
For once, a guy broke up with me.
It feels weird though. I don't know how to react. Should I start crying, should I be upset and angry?
I'm fine though. Still in a sorta state of shock, but overall I guess I'm fine. But knowing me... oh boy.

Sitting on my bed, in my pjs, itunes on, and munching on peanuts. While answering "Are you ok?", "What happened?", "Why are you single?" texts. Seriously, I'm fine. Although, it's nice that I have friends who care about me. Like the saying says "guys come and go, but true friends remain."
I've been through so many hard things in my life, a break up is nothing compared to those.

If a guy can't see through an obstacle like long distance, then to me it means that he didn't feel the same as I felt for him, not on the same page. If you can't see through something like long distance, to me that means that you can't really deal with hard things, you just give up. I don't need a guy like that. I need a guy who is willing to stick around when things get hard. Yet another thing to add onto my list of qualities I want in a guy.

On the other hand, it's my doing too.
I didn't take my own advice and took him for granted fall semester. Thing is, I like to test people. I wanted to see if despite how I acted, if he'd stick around. He did, for a while then poof- gone.
You learn from your mistakes and even your relationships.
Next time, I gotta learn that testing guys is not very smart. Or perhaps, maybe, find a guy that can pass my tests with flying colors. And of course, don't take him for granted. Remember that Jess, for next time :)

What bums me out though is that I saw him as the perfect guy for me. But if it didn't work out, the Lord has something better planned. That's actually very exciting. Being friends is fine, it's just going to take time to process. I need to get over it because no matter how many times I say I'm fine, I'm not over it. I've never loved someone like I loved him. Hopefully it's fast and painless. Maybe I kinda scared him off with the amount of commitment I was willing to put in. I was dead serious too.
" Don't be so quick to give your heart away because someone will take it and throw it away."

But oh well, if he feels like that I can't stop him. There's a reason for everything. There's someone better out there for me, that's kinda hard to accept, but I'll get to accept that eventually.

I need to focus on getting my spirituality on track, school, and basically working to improve myself in every way. Not only to feel better about life in general, but to perfect myself for the Lord and for that someone out there some where who can love me despite everything.

I still want to be friends and stuff, it's just gonna take time.

There's one very important aspect that he taught me and that I'll always be grateful for. His example to prepare himself for his mission motivated me to improve myself.

Basically the song of my life. Describes it perfectly. Singing it gives me such a musical high :)

"The spaces between your fingers were created so someone else’s could fill them. After a break-up we realize that that persons didn't fit the way it was supposed too."


lol, so dramatic.
But I'm serious.
I'm letting everything go and I'll work at trying to forget. Lesson learned; don't fall in love with someone who leaves when things get hard.

And that's that.
The end of this love story.