Can I skip this?

I've never been depressed before. Not as much as now. Even with throbbing headaches and random spurts of crying.

no se si algún día vuelva a verte

no es fácil aceptar haber perdido.

Translated, "I don't know if one day I'll see you again. It's not easy accepting you lost." 

Will I ever see my dad again? He's leaving..like, forever. He's going out of the country. Abandoning me. Us. 

Did I not do enough? Did I do too little? Was converting to a religion filled with life changing 

principles that improved our lives really the worst to have happened to him? It seems as the world

knows what's going on in my life and purposely making me miserable by the creation of father's day and everything 

centered around it. Just watch, this sunday's topic will be about dads. Woo, a day where I lament my lack of father. 

I talked with my mom about it too and she said that Heavenly Father is the only father I need. And that's true. He'll always be there for me for anything. But, how can I simply forget all those memories I've had with my dad? Piggyback rides, 

laughter, jokes, him teaching me how to dance, our applebee's run when it was snowing, his endless stories about how he took 

me out to places when I was a baby at the early hours of the night. The sad thing was, all these memories happened when 

he was drunk. He wasn't in 

the right state of mind. I've never had a happy memory with my dad when he was sober. Maybe I have, 

who knows. But none that stand out. Never a heart to heart. He doesn't know my hopes, my dreams. He doesn't know 

what I like, what I love, what I hate. He doesn't know my friends, he doesn't know anything and worst of all he doesn't 

know 

how I feel. 

I'm sorry, but I just can't find it in me to forgive you. 

All these secrets that finally become unearthed.

I just can't.

I don't hate you.

I still love you.

But I can't justify any of your actions. 

And I don't approve of them.

I hate how much you've hurt my mom.

I hate how you're making me feel right now.

I hate that you never acted as a father should.

"All these things shall give thee experience..."

Oh Lord, you are so right.

But why all these trials? Isn't having one huge one enough?

One day I'll understand why.