lol

I'm horrible at flirting, omg! But A for effort right? 

But yeah, guys. Men. Men with scruff. Oh snap. But that one guy though, that scruff and those sparkly blue eyes. Or green. Need to take a closer look. I take this new attitude as an OK to move on with my life from you know who?  Ehh? We'll have to see, I really do give up on caring so much about someone who has obviously forgotten about me. 

OH, and it's like almost 2am. Feels nice. That means I can sleep in later, yaaaaas!

Snow, thank you

There's a blizzard headed this way so no work! Ayeeeee

Do you ever just love someone but yet at the same time hate them?! Aggghh 

Why is this happening, why now? There's definately a reason for all of this right? Ha ha, very funny universe, but you can stop now. But ya know, like I've said before I'm ready for what's headed my way. Seriously though, I've cried buckets of tears over this guy. And he's really the only guy I've ever cried over. Love me again cause I'm still crazy about youuuuuu, agh. I don't know anymore cause I keep feeling and thinking different things. Yes, no, get over him, fight, etc etc. If Heavenly Father was here right now I'd be pissed. I am pissed. He tells me one thing then tells me another and leaves me to figure it out. That's unfortunately how life works. It's true what they say, you can't control who you fall in love with. But why now? There's probably no chance at all and I'll just live my days filled with regret.

Maybe my patience is being tested and everything that my gut tells me will eventually fall into place. Or maybe I'm just crazy. 

"People often forget how much they love a person — or fail to realize how much they love them — until life forces them to remember." 

and then I found another one.

"When you love someone, you can’t stop loving that person because it would require you to stop loving a part of you yourself."

oh my goodness please send help my heart aches.

Should I or nah?

You know when you get gut feelings to do stuff and despite your questioning and doubt you do it anyway? You do it despite the fact of it going against what you usually do and think. 

Gahhhh, my gut better be right or imma be super upset.

Almost there

These sisters are sorta kinda getting along now. 

Being a cat mom is hard work.

Woohooo

Music is great guys. If it took human form and was a man I would marry it so fast. 

Funny thing- whenever I work out my eyes get really red and it makes me look high. My mom came back from zumba tonight and I had just finished my workout which by the way was amazing. Anyway she comes in and she's like why do you look high? ahahaha

Anyway, today was great. I'm really apprciative of the day off today, totally needed it. Now back to my kiddos tomorrow! 

Nice little reminder, am I right? :)

Something else

One Direction is amazing and I love them so so mich and just because they're attractive, but also those voices! And singing along to them is so relaxing and makes me feel like everything's right with the world. 

Anyway, I was thinking about how I'm so worried and preoccupied about my future and what it may or may not bring. I can't really control what occurs. Yes there is agency and I decide what my future holds, but to an extent because the Lord has better plans for me than I have for myself. And I should remember that when what I think I deserve sometimes isn't what the Lord wants for me. 

On that note, I bid thee farewell. Farewell to a constant worry about the future. Goodbye to living in the past and trying to keep holding onto things that aren't there anymore. 

And here's to moving on. Whatever id in store, bring it on.

Life's great!

We had a snow day today haha. Hence no church because it was so icy out. We watched netflix all day, it was greaT. Carried the new kitty Callie, gave some love to my other baby Michela, ate some ramen, joked aroind and laighed with my madre- today was awesomesauce. Although it felt weird because we hadn't gone to church so there was that. 

Now I'm just chilling here songing along to some music with the little sos. 

I've got all I need and I'm so grateful and happy. Plus there's no internship tomorrow ;) 

Happy Sunday, here's a picture of my newest baby. Everyone's getting engaged and married and I get a cat instead- #futurecatladyofamerica

Don't you just love those moments where everything just doesn't seem so bad? It's all about the way you look at it and the mindset you develop. Be positive and the happiness will follow! 

Who's that?

My dad pretty much doesn't like me anymore cause I put on my big girl pants and told him how it was. He's been trying forever to get me and my sister to go hang out with him and his lady friend. No thanks though. No matter how hard I try I can't accept her or whatever you call it. If their relationship came to pass under different circumstances then yeah sure, but not in this picture. Anyway, enough. All in all I told him that I can't accept his relationship because I can't forgive what he did. And I told him that. And he was like "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm not going to apologize for my partner now. If you ever want to talk to me you can call me or whatever, but I'm done trying to get you to accept my life now."

So yeah, that happened. Look, I don't write these things to have people pity me or whatever. I write it for me because through writing these things it's like sorting out my feelings and thoughts and in a way dumping all these worries and thoughts so they don't hurt so much. So yeah. I honestly don't care who reads what I write or what they think because this is for me. So that in the future I can look back at all of this and realize that despite all these things both good and bad- I've been blessed with experience. I'll look back one day and realize that everything was worth it and that everything I have gone through has led me to the life that the Lord has intended for me all this time. One day I'll be grateful for everything I've gone through and am going through because it is turning me into the type of person the Lord wants me to be.

For the time being though, all of this is great and all, but I don't feel complete- like I'm not achieving a level of happiness that I want to be at. Ya know? I need to get back at that level of spirituality I once was at, I seriously miss it. But the thing though is how can I have hope and faith when I've literally been torn away from at least a teeny bit of happiness. But you know what, I should at least be grateful for what I do have and for what I have been blessed with no matter how small it may seem at the time.

Like my internship for instance, it's definately a blessing. I love it. I love feeling like I'm an influence on these children I teach. I literally forget everything- all my worries and troubles literally fly away from my mind. It's nice spending these 6 hours every day being away from my thoughts and being more concerned with the well being and growth of these children and forgetting about myself. Loving these children and  feeling this concern for their well being and growth reminds me of that type of love the Lord has for us. He wants us to succeed and he wants us be happy and become the best versions of ourselves. This love for children and ability to understand them at the level that I do makes me wonder- is this love I feel for God's little children the love that the Lord feels for us?

I may sound ungrateful at times and sound like I complain, but I'm so grateful for everything because it was all been worth it and even though hard times may be ahead for me and things may not turn out like I want them to- I know in my heart that the Lord will help me through it all. I'm sorry that I've forgotten about the Lord lately, I'm sorry that I've been an ungrateful person and so preoccupied with myself. I'm sorry for forgetting all that I've been blessed with. I'm sorry for being so impatient with your timing. 

The church is true and no matter how the world may say otherwise with all this science and new ways of thought- my knowledge about the church and especially about the reality of His love will never be changed. No matter how I may fight it sometimes and may want to give up- that knowledge that the Lord loves us and that He is here with us always and is mindful of us will never change in my heart. My testimony of this gospel is forever engraven in my heart.

<3

No naptime in college

So here I am at my internship cause there's free time since it's nap gime. When I told this one little girl there's no nap time at college she was like "that's so unfair!" Same, I feel the sane way dude. Anywho, they're all adorable little humans. They all remind me of my little sister when she was in Head Start. With their little leggings and cute backpacks, aw. Yo, my kids are going to be so cute. I was one cute child when I was their age. Can't wait to buy little cute outfits and little shoes and dress them all cute. 

The cool thing about my internship site is I get to eat with them since it's a family style setting and as teachers we lead by example. So free food! And apparently I get a ride home too since one child lives in my apartment complex. Life is great. 

All that's left is that last missing piece  which is what I've been so preoccupied with for the last year and a half. But you know what- I've prepared myself for the worst. If I don't get this second chance with this amazing person I was so dumb to screw it up with the first time, I'll be fine with it. If it wasn't meant to work out then oh well. But my gut tells me it somehow will, but then again my gut has misled me too many times so who knows? Plus I feel like I don't deserve him. He's seriously too good and he deserves the best. These past two years I've changed a lot and I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone as spritual as he is. To be honest though, everything really went downhill since he was out of my life. My gut and every fiber of my being says that everything will work out and I get hopeful and happy and whatnot then I'm reminded of stupid things and I lose hope.

I hate myself right now, I really do in terms of this dilemma. Because if it turns out the complete opposite I know I'll live through it, but I'll literally die inside. It'll be like every emotion that I have will be stripped and I'll turn into an emotionless robot. I hate this whole unknown future thing, I wanna know what's going to happen! 

Will I turn into a cat lady or will I end up happy and with the one guy who was it this whole time and I was too dumb to realize it at the moment? Like what if this is all in my head? 

I'm actually going towards the cat lady bit since I'm getting another cat. My sister and I chose either Lana or Callipoe for her. We'll see. (I was aiming towards calling her Beyonce, but my idea was turned down, haha)  

This is my next adoptive daughter guys. I see her Saturday!!

Lord give me patience!

People I went to high school with are getting married and it's super weird because I grew up with them and watched them do stupid stuff and then all of a sudden this happens. Stop, you're still a child. 

I really don't get why people are getting married everywhere all of a sudden- is the universe just trying to piss me off or something? Ahahaha yeah so funny you sure got me. Fine, everyone just get married, I'll just get another cat see if I care! Which by the way is a huge possibility anyway since this guy who's moving away is giving us a cat if we want her. Hopefully it works out :)

Anywho, I should be sleeping because my first day at my internship is tomorrow. How do I feel you may ask? Nervous. Excited. But mostly just nervous. Ahdhjgdhjncxbh! 

See you in my dreams!

At the end of the day everything just ends with him in mind. Thus causing me to dream about him and cry of happiness in my sleep because he appears in my dreams. This is serioudly getting weird.

But seriously though

I can't stop thinking about what I had. He's seriously all I think about every second of every single day. It would be great if the universe was on my side for once and let me have another chance to be with him again. There must be a reason for all this non stop thinking of him for a reason, right? But seriously though I can't see myself with anyone but him. Maybe I'm crazy and am attached to the past or there's something there. I don't know. 

I wish I could know if I should move on because I've been like this for a while now. Aaagh, porque! Just let me knowww!

Ok. I lied

The start of 2015 is here and we're already at the 5th day of it. How is it going you may ask? Grand actually, thanks for asking. I'm all set and ready to go for my internship a week from today. I have all paperwork in and reference letters checked and the course added- life is great cause I actually feel like I'm going somewhere and getting something accomplished. My brother gets back from his mission in March, my best friend Mike gets back in April, I'm tackling 12 online credits spring semester, possible one direction concert in August followed by the 5sos concert in September, and finally graduating college in December, yaaaas.

I actually don't really know what to write about- I'm suffering from writer's block. Life is pretty great. I mean I'm accomplishing my goals in the career and academic sense, still as single as a pringle, but whatever I honestly don't even care anymore. The way that my love life is looking, I'm content with being single forever with my house full of cats. Ugh, such a disappointment. You know what though, I'm done with my expectations. Who cares if I date a non member. All my successful relationships were with non members anyway. No longer will I discriminate based on religion dating wise because to be honest, some non member guys are 100 times better than a member guy. Exhibit A: just take a look at a majority of the guys up at school- judgmental horny guys. This expands my dating options by a ton hahahaha.

Ohhhh, I know what I'll write about! This is taken from an almost experience that happened last semester. I looked into the whole Tinder thing to see what all the fuss was about and I started communicating with this guy. He was pretty fine too, scruff and perfect 10 smile. Anyway, during that time I was going through a "screw this I'll do whatever I want" stage and came so close to what I believed to be an ncmo with this guy, but he had other things on his mind too so I chickened out. Then I really found out what Tinder was used for which was casual sex basically. Haha, I was so close to doing something I would regret later on. Anyway, at least I have an interesting story to tell out of it, but he was really gorgeous though omg.

Anyway my point is and I'm going to let it all out- is waiting and being good really worth it? Cause I feel like I lead a bland life. Yes I'm getting stuff done, but there is no fun. Sometimes I feel as if I'm waiting around for something that will never come, that I'm wasting these years of my life being the goody goody that everyone expects me to be. Sometimes I feel like I'm being held back out of my fear for God and my want to never disappoint him again. But sometimes it feels like I've been forgotten or something. I know that I should be grateful for what I have and that he does play a part in my life by giving me small miracles and a helping hand, but it's not enough. I feel like I'm not living life to the fullest. People have been so disappointing and fake for a while now and all of this has really put a dent on my own faith. I don't know what to believe anymore, but deep in my heart I know what I've known all my life is true and no matter how disappointed and unfaithful I may be that the church and all its teachings are true. It's not what the church teaches that makes me this way in going through a rough patch of faith, but a majority of it is the actual people. BYUI for example, that place has really ruined it for me. So many fake people. So. many. I'm glad I'm taking spring off and doing it at home instead. But getting back to the level of spiritual that I was once at is so hard and I want to get there again. Baby steps.

Enough of that. You know what was really disappointing? The 3rd hobbit movie. That was really disappointing to me. I thought it was going to be super bad ass, but I guess not. I feel like the movie was rushed and everything happened way too fast. Oh well.

I feel weird not going back to Rexburg till September. I feel like I'll miss out on something there. I won't. I don't have a job or anything to hold me there. My life is here in NY. Seriously can't wait to be 100% out of that school. On another note, I decided what I'm gonna do. Graduate, take a year off working and getting health stuff figured out (like a tendon transfer/transplant) hopefully, and just enjoying myself. Then get my masters online. Hopefully it all works out!

Gonna go get some food, I'm starving.

Ayeeee it's 2015

I promise i'll post something deep and awesome later-- it's 3am and i need sleep.

Happy new year to the kids out there, stay in school!

My cat is perfection <3

All the boys

I seriously love these kinds of moments where I have time to myself where I can sit back with a face mask exfoliating my face, in comfy pjs, a blanket, my computer, and music by my favorite people playing in the background. Nothing beats the feeling that my favorite music brings me. So so so much joy and an immense amount of joy. All my favorite music has been with me through all the hard tough times and has been there as the only source to bring me happiness and comfort when everything seemed to be hopeless and lost. Such a great stress reliever when I sing my lungs out to lyrics that help me forget what I want shoved away from my mind.

This week has been so crazy. Especially yesterday when I had the biggest scare. I was at the gym and all of a sudden in the middle of my workout my lower back lets out this sharp pain, a pain similar to what I had a while ago. I guess I pinched my sciatic nerve again.  I went to go lay down and literally couldn't move since it hurt so much. I ended up going to the ER and they gave me 3 shots in my lower back. And gave me a lot of pain meds too. Then today I managed to make it to class and I was so drugged up, haha I have no idea how I made it through the day. Anyway, aside from that is my crazy idea to have the courage to ask a guy out. sorta. It was over tinder, ahahahahaha shut up, I know that's lame but whatever. Anyway, I invited him to our apartment Halloween party next week and told him that I would like to get to know him and then he gave me his number and told me to text him which I did, but then he dropped the whole conversation like a hot tamale and I haven't heard from him since the last time he asked me what I was making for dinner. I honestly think that there's something wrong with me cause I deflect every single guy that even comes near me. It's like I have a force field around me or something. I'm just so done. I've said that a bajillion times and whatever, but seriously no matter what I do everything goes wrong. I just want to get out of here already and get this time of my life over with and concentrate on more important things like my career and my love for music instead of worrying and over-thinking all about this dumb guy stuff. Its so unfair sometimes though because it feels like I go through so much and am faced with so many hard times to get through, but yet there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I seriously feel like there will comes a time when I'll just snap because of all the pressure and constant stress I'm under.

But that's ok because somehow I still manage to have the strength to carry on and somehow make it through it all. <3
Cause no matter how many times I'll be angry with God for what He puts me through I know deep down that one day, whenever that will be, my time will come and the happiness that I seek and have sought after will be present in my life and then everything will make sense.

In the meantime, I guess I'll just stick to my music, the people that love me and that I love and have in my life right now, and my hope that I'll see that light at the end of the tunnel one day.

And I really like this song right now. Like a lot.

"I look adorable but I have no where to go"

Do you ever have those days where you just decoded to do your makeup and get dressed even though you have no where to go? Cause that's literally me right now. I could have gone to the gym, but since I'm facetiming with my darling sister, I decoded against it only because when I FT with my sis we do it not for just a short time, but basically all day. It's an all day thing. I'll probably do some Pilates later tonight, at like 10 or something so I can go to sleep feeling sore which by the way is the best feeling ever. So here I am sitting here looking cute with really long eyelashes and white shimmer on my eyelids with absolutely no where to go, lol. Oh well. I feel fab so whatever.

It's the second to last Friday before the invasion of the incoming freshmen here in Rexburg. It's been so nice just being here not having to see a swarm of annoying people everywhere I go. When there's a pack of Mormons there's bound to be some major judging going on, everyone knows that. I love what this church stands for and it's doctrines and teachings and whatnot, it's just the people that I can't stand sometimes. I know not everyone's like this with their "holier than you" attitude, but here in Idaho, that's like 95% of the population. I'm not judging, I'm just saying it how it is. People here say that they're not judgmental and whatever, but please. Yes you are. Even I am and I admit to it. But when someone goes around being this example goody two shoes Mormon and then another day turns around and is somebody completely different, then yeah basically I can't stand two faced people. Just pick one way to be and leave it at that. Stop trying to keep up appearances. I'm not particularly saying all this for a reason, I just felt inspired I guess to write about something related to my soon to be return to torture and sleep deprivation days. It's my senior year in college guys, a senior! Where did the time go? It seems like only yesterday I was crying in my dorm room putting away my socks as I thought about how I missed my mom on that first day of college. I'm so excited to graduate. I still have like 2 semesters after this one, but only because I have somethings to take care of before I leave here. And also because I'm taking my time; I don't want to load up on classes just so I finish and graduate by next July. Anyway, graduation. So excited! I already decided on what I'm doing. Like pretty much 50% of people after graduation (maybe) I'm still going to be at my mom's. Why pay for an apartment just to be alone? I don't like being alone, let alone living alone. It's going to be so fun. I'm going to apply to be a teacher at the Headstart a few towns away, go to concerts with my sis, cook amazing food, and just have fun. I might even go on a trip to Europe, who knows. All in all, I'm not ready to be an adult. At all.

Yay!

Why I can't get married

I've seriously thought about it-- this time in my life is supposed to be where I'm wild and free and whatnot with doing all these different things that make me happier than any guy could to be honest. I want to live these years (or 20s as some call it) to the fullest doing all these things I love. Concerts, laughing, being silly, obsessing over band members, etc.  I'm not ready to be serious and for full adult responsibilities.

It's crazy though how much you can love a band/artist and even crazier how much you can grow to love
everything about someone that doesn't even know that they mean the world to you. Cause that's how much I love 5SOS. They say that you are attracted to band members that reflect you and Michael Clifford does that. I love them all, believe me. Equal love for everyone of you boys. But Michael is my main bae. He's so chill and down to earth and would just rather spend all day in bed indoors doing nothing, but somehow making the most of it and finding a way to have fun. Ha, I don't even know what that even means what I just wrote. And his voice and his sense of humor, and his smile, and the way he looks when he plays. He's happy and shows it to the world even if he may be hurting inside. He finds humor in every situation and I seriously love that about him. I'd love to be friends with him and just spend the day together. We'd eat pizza, watch pokemon (the originals of course none of this new age crap), and listen to music. All while in our PJs. Anyway, as the title states, I can't get married. And exactly for this reason. I'm too attached to band members and bands and music. It's all I ever think about and care about. I guess you can say I'm immature, especially for my age, but whatever, ya know? Do what makes you happy. Who cares what anyone might say. My goal has shifted from getting married like everyone else around me to just graduating college, working, and spending most of my free days going to concerts and meeting my favorite people in the whole world. Not just this band, but every band and artist that I have grown to love. They've been there for me in a way that no one else can ever be. They bring me the greatest happiness, especially during those times where it seemed impossible simply by just playing their music and being themselves. All my favorite bands mean so much to me and I wish I can meet all my favs one by one and tell them how they have helped me find happiness even during the darkest of times.

It's just so amazing to me how you can have your dreams come true. Take One Direction for example- they went on the Xfactor never in a million years thinking that they would be put in such a successful band. Now look where they are now- it's so inspiring. And 5SOS oh my goodness. They started off just playing in their garage and posting covers on Youtube, then what do you know, Louis saw them and before you knew it, this band from Australia was opening up for one of the biggest boy bands in the world. I'm not saying that Louis was the reason they're famous now or even that it's due to 1D that 5SOS are big now. It was all them. They worked so unbelievably hard to play the best they could EVERY TIME and to give it their all in reaching the point at where they are now. And they won a VMA last week. Do you realize how proud I am of these boys? I feel like a mother who just sent her child off to school for the first time. We sent our boys of to the world and they're making it. They made it. They're living their dream. Your life can change by just one small action. Bands and artists like this make me remember that dreams can really become a reality if you give it 100%. Bands like these are my inspiration to keep on dreaming and hoping for the things that I want out of life.

And so there you have it peeps-- I can't get married (at least now) because I'm just too attached to bands and band members. I wouldn't be able to juggle married life and band life, but eventually I know there will come a day where I'll have to get it together, but I hope not because these bands that I've loved throughout the years are my everything and they truly saved me. That's cliche, but it's true. They give me so much happiness. It even scares me sometimes how much I love all these bands and artists.

Oh, and before I forget and if you didn't already know I bought concert tickets to go see 5SOS with my sister next year. As of today, 368 days to go! Currently planning my outfit and devising ways to meet them in person, especial my sunshine Michael.

Long awaited post

I've been thinking about writing this particular post for a while now and have been putting it off for the past few days. It's not that I've been busy cause I haven't. I'm far from busy right now-- all that takes up my days are eating, sleeping, reading, and working. But somehow I found the motivation to sit down and type this particular post.

It seems that most of everything I write about is relationships and love. Tis true, I cannot lie. Despite me having like zero involvement in this department, I love writing about it, but honestly lately I've come to seriously develop an overall stance of where I stand in this matter. Drum roll-- I just can't seem seem to believe that the particular love that I talk about and hope for exists. At least for me. I don't know why I've taken this thinking lately with being hopeless and with lack of faith. I just don't believe in it anymore. From my own eyes I've seen relationships crumble and break apart. I've seen people fall in and out of love. And of course I've experienced what it is like being a guy deflector because it seems I just drive guys away when I get close. Or just drive them away with my awkwardness. I've seriously thought back to my own claims that I've been in love before, but came up with the realization that I tried really hard to, but didn't and just experienced lust and personal gain rather than this love I sought after. I don't even know what the hell this love thing is. What I ask myself is what happened that I developed this totally "un me" attitude. I don't know. I guess I'm just tired of hoping for this thing and doing everything I can to deserve it, but not getting anywhere with it. I guess you can say that my faith overall is also in peril. I just don't feel the same way that I did going to church and frankly just caring. If I'm doing all these things that I'm supposed to be doing then where is my happiness? I know that a guy can't define your happiness and all that stuff, but let's just say that at this point in my life I'm just tired of even caring anymore. It's scary being in this position where my lack of faith is taking over how I act and think about things. It's even scarier that it too is affecting even my mom. She just has no motivation anymore. She's pessimistic about everything and it makes it difficult even holding a conversation with her. Her attitude brings me down. It seems that life isn't giving her a break, even after all these years she just can't seem to be happy. I'm not blaming God because I know these things happen for our own good, but I just can't help being frustrated with Him. Everything that my family has been through he could at least give us a break. There really is so much that she could take.

I'm just fed up with everything. I feel like my life is going nowhere really. I mean yes I know where I'm going career wise and all that stuff, but is there all there is in my future? Just working? Where is the adventure, the romance, the blessings that I have so foolishly been hoping for forever? I feel like I'm just wasting my life away waiting for nothing. Hmm, I don't known. I'm just gping to live my life and really care about anything anymore.

Rant over.

The bae

This one's for you Steph-- a post dedicated to just you. Isn't that grand? Isn't this picture so cute, awwwe. To be honest, I feel so lazy right now. Like a lot. I could really use a nap right now, but because I love you so much I'll endure all the laziness and lack of motivation to write and write about how wonderful you are and how you're my main bae.

This is my adorable yet obnoxious little sister Stephanie. She's 13 years old, which by the way is so weird to think about now that I'm writing that down. Where did the time go? I remember her when she was the size of a watermelon and slobbered all over the place. Geez, you slobbered a lot. It was cute, yet gross. But mostly cute because it gave off a shiny glow to your face. I remember seeing you grow up and just thinking about how fast you've grown up and I didn't even notice. I thought about the day that you would finally be walking and then all of a sudden you were! Then I thought about when you would be talking, going to school, etc and then that happened. Now you're a teenager and I feel old. You have your own life and your own friends and as you get older it seems that you don't need me anymore like you used to and it makes me sad. You're more preoccupied with the number of followers you have then anything else. You have your own dilemmas to deal with. You have crushes and obsess over boys like I used to at your age and still do if you want to get technical. Before long you'll be in high school and going off to prom and having a boyfriend and going to college and I'll be here feeling like an old fart sitting in my house full of cats.

Anyway, my wonderful adorable little sister is the best. She is so funny and my best friend. I can never stay mad at her for long because then one of us says something stupid and then we end up laughing like goons. She knows everything (almost) about me and I (mostly) tell her everything. We have the greatest and weird inside jokes. Like the Moo cow song. Ahahahahaha, omg. I honestly wish that she was my twin instead so that she could be here in college with me. That would be seriously amazing. We'd have the best time watching endless amounts of netflixs and eating our feelings. I do that with my roommates, but it's not the same as doing it with your number one muchacha.

OMG, I just thought about that time that you were like a couple months old and I fed you some expired milk. Mommy found out and she started freaking out and saying how if you didn't poop it out you'd die. We freaked out forever until you finally pooped. I don't know why I find that hilarious.

But yeah, you're awesome. And I'm thankful for having you as my sister. I could have had any other sister, but Heavenly Father gave me you instead. Ericka could have been my sister instead, omg imagine! ahahahaha

El pasado

I seriously miss Cainan....like a lot. It's gotten to the point where I sleep with the blanket he gave back to me after we broke up every night. And I pretend it's him. Cause hugging him and being in his arms was my favorite thing in the world.

But it's not healthy living in the past, ya know? But what if sometimes it is?