So, that time has finally come. Whatever could I be talking about right? No, nothing boy related (for now) so you can breathe easily.
Since my family finally got the much wanted green cards that we've been waiting ELEVEN years for, apparently my dad is leaving. Leaving for good and according to my mom, he already started packing his bags too. And to top it all off, my parents are getting a divorce? How dandy right? -.-
There's nothing that can hold my parent's marriage together anymore. There's no love whatsoever anymore. It's sad that this is the case because a marriage is supposed to last forever. There are those numerous
"what ifs" that roam the air. What if he was a member of the church? What if he accepted the church in his life? What if he wasn't leaving? But none of these what ifs are what I want them to be. It says in my blessing that one day his heart is going to be softened to the spirit and he'll accept the truth, but now that this is happening I see this being impossible. It's not like he's moving a couple towns or states away, but TO ANOTHER COUNTRY. Hmmm, maybe on day he'll remember us if he ever encounters the missionaries in his new life that he is planning to lead and he'll remember. Remember that we tried to help him. Not stuff religion down his throat, but to help him turn his life around.
What really hurts me is how someone else matters to him more than us, his family. The family HE CHOSE to create. A family is not something that you create, then when you get bored or when things get hard, you toss them aside and go looking for a new one. What did I do? Was I a bad daughter? Did I do something that upset him? Were we horrible children? Seriously, what cause him to not love us anymore? What happened to that man that was overjoyed when he caught sight of us for the first time after being separated for so many years? What happened to that man that would crack jokes and be the reason for a smile? What happened to that man that made you proud because he was such a hard-worker? It's really something--how destructive drugs and alcohol really are. Not only to the family but to the individual. It totally turns his life around, but in a negative way. A very negative way.
His reasoning in this situation is that us joining the church destroyed the family. That would be reason enough for me to turn against the church, because in a way it did separate us. It separated us by our beliefs on different things. Like observing the sabbath, Or attending church regularly. Those are important to us. And he didn't accept that change in us. He wanted us to be like him. Lazy sundays, attending alcohol involved parties, not caring and living "merrily" as if it was our last day. "Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die.." That's his lifestyle, not ours.
The thing is that for many years we lived OK. He went his way, we went ours, but we still were somewhat of a family, even if we were all distant. But then SHE happened. And that's what intensified his rage towards us and the church, and his ultimate realization that we didn't matter to him anymore. Does he even care about us, even for at least a little bit?
There are moments when I want to cry and just let it all out, but somehow the tears won't come. Because even though he's my dad-- he isn't really worth the tears I shed. He's my dad, he gave me life, and that's never going to change and I accept that. There's that saying, "anyone can become a dad, but it takes a real man to be one". Biologically he's my dad and I'm grateful for all the contributions he made in my life, but emotionally he was absent. As a father he was not nurturing. As a father he did not live up to his spiritual potential or practice his roles as a father and for that one day he will be held accountable before the Lord for all the things he did and didn't do to provide for us, his REAL family, not some random Colombian fat chick who ruined the little bit of family that I had left--that had a potential of being fixed again--hanging by a thread. She came along and snipped away the string of hope.
The awkward moment when "that song" randomly comes on
I just watched this movie about this timer thing that people have inserted on their wrists that tells them the exact time that they're going to meet their soulmate. When they make eye contact with that person, it starts beeping and so does that person's. How easier would life be if that was the case, huh? As the movie progressed I thought about me and if I would get the timer. On the brightside I would know when I meet him and all the hard work would be over right? But no, in reality I wouldn't get it because when I think about it, the timer is like not going through the veil and knowing when everything is supposed to happen in your life. Knowledge is power. It would drive me crazy and I wouldn't be able to learn from all the experiences.
Anyway, math is going to kill me. I spent like all of this memorial day break doing math. Did I get things accomplished? Yes, I finished my math hw, the teacher math assignments, and even took my book of mormon midterm. Did I learn anything while studying math? No, not really. My brain is literally mush. Maybe tomorrow my brain will try to cooperate. It better because I have a test to take on Wednesday. Maybe I should take it tomorrow? The thing is I have that play for humanities I have to go to on Wednesday. If I take my test Wednesday, I'll have no time to go home and get ready in time for the play, depending on how long it takes me to take the test, but then I won't be able to work out.
If I take it Tuesday, I'll be able to work out, study a bit until devotional is over, then go take the test. I mean, I have like until 9:00pm to go take it, right? Hmmm, let's aim for tomorrow, but would that be enough time to study for this test? It's only three chapters. Three stupid, annoying chapters. GRR, I hate math. SO MUCH.
In terms of the blogger challenge, I'm falling behind. Like a lot.
I'll try my best to get better on doing that. I seriously need to stay committed to it.
Well, gotta go snooze to recharge my mind for tomorrow's math review. (oh joy)
P.S. You know what's weird? When random people appear in your dreams. When people appear in your dreams, they're thinking of you. Should I be flattered? Weirded out? It's probably nothing right? Just another random guy that decided to cruise by my subconscious.
Anyway, math is going to kill me. I spent like all of this memorial day break doing math. Did I get things accomplished? Yes, I finished my math hw, the teacher math assignments, and even took my book of mormon midterm. Did I learn anything while studying math? No, not really. My brain is literally mush. Maybe tomorrow my brain will try to cooperate. It better because I have a test to take on Wednesday. Maybe I should take it tomorrow? The thing is I have that play for humanities I have to go to on Wednesday. If I take my test Wednesday, I'll have no time to go home and get ready in time for the play, depending on how long it takes me to take the test, but then I won't be able to work out.
If I take it Tuesday, I'll be able to work out, study a bit until devotional is over, then go take the test. I mean, I have like until 9:00pm to go take it, right? Hmmm, let's aim for tomorrow, but would that be enough time to study for this test? It's only three chapters. Three stupid, annoying chapters. GRR, I hate math. SO MUCH.
In terms of the blogger challenge, I'm falling behind. Like a lot.
I'll try my best to get better on doing that. I seriously need to stay committed to it.
Well, gotta go snooze to recharge my mind for tomorrow's math review. (oh joy)
P.S. You know what's weird? When random people appear in your dreams. When people appear in your dreams, they're thinking of you. Should I be flattered? Weirded out? It's probably nothing right? Just another random guy that decided to cruise by my subconscious.
Did you think to pray?
Even with the smallest matters or problems in life, it's always a good idea to pray for help-- even if what you're asking help in is really stupid or insignificant.
Like finding my stupid phone charger.
And my 20 dollar bill.
Before I start bawling, which is a really childish thing to do, but hey, that's me. I hate loosing my things, it makes me feel disorganized and I feel so helpless when I can't find anything the way I left it. It was plugged in my wall and now it's not there? And my money, it was in the drawer...unless my roommate took my money? Nah, she wouldn't do that.
Either way, this is the last straw. After fall semester, I'm getting my own room. I can't take the sharing thing anymore. I can't find stuff. It's almost 3am here and I can't go to to sleep unless I find it. I mean, it's my only means of communication with my mom. I can't loose that. Maybe I'm supposed to be without my phone? GAH, this bloooows! I'm so pissed off at myself. Why do I have such a forgetful head? Where the heck did I put it? I already asked one of my roommates....all that's left is my other roommate, but she's skyping with her boyfriend.
I WANNA GO TO SLEEP!
BUT I CAN'T UNLESS I HAVE MY CHARGER.
dude, I seriously feel like crying right now. What a wimp, I know.
But hey, I'm a very sentimental person.
Like finding my stupid phone charger.
And my 20 dollar bill.
Before I start bawling, which is a really childish thing to do, but hey, that's me. I hate loosing my things, it makes me feel disorganized and I feel so helpless when I can't find anything the way I left it. It was plugged in my wall and now it's not there? And my money, it was in the drawer...unless my roommate took my money? Nah, she wouldn't do that.
Either way, this is the last straw. After fall semester, I'm getting my own room. I can't take the sharing thing anymore. I can't find stuff. It's almost 3am here and I can't go to to sleep unless I find it. I mean, it's my only means of communication with my mom. I can't loose that. Maybe I'm supposed to be without my phone? GAH, this bloooows! I'm so pissed off at myself. Why do I have such a forgetful head? Where the heck did I put it? I already asked one of my roommates....all that's left is my other roommate, but she's skyping with her boyfriend.
I WANNA GO TO SLEEP!
BUT I CAN'T UNLESS I HAVE MY CHARGER.
dude, I seriously feel like crying right now. What a wimp, I know.
But hey, I'm a very sentimental person.
who needs the love and warmth of a guy when you have a super adorable cat?
I miss my baby.
52 MORE DAYS!
Day 14
A picture of you and your family
I couldn't find a picture of me with my dad or a picture of my dad, but imagine this. He's a man, a man with a mustache.
Today has been a day that I spend all of it with m math homework. So lame.
...in a fork type of situation
take the road that takes you a step closer to your ultimate goal. But for me, while I go through this, I don't want to hurt people along the way.
That's me alright.
I cried
...because movies like this make me so excited to experience the real thing one day. It just makes me feel so happy that I cry of joy. For a moment, the marriage crazy person in me came out and cried by my side.
Even though I'm not married and mainly this movie was directed towards married couples, I learned a lot about keeping a successful marriage. And hopefully, that day comes, when the Lord says I'm ready of course. Still gotta learn to be patient on that matter!
Such a good movie.
I will never grow tired of watching it.
Even though I'm not married and mainly this movie was directed towards married couples, I learned a lot about keeping a successful marriage. And hopefully, that day comes, when the Lord says I'm ready of course. Still gotta learn to be patient on that matter!
I will never grow tired of watching it.
Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
Well, I found out about blogger after 8th grade. In my English class we were supposed to make a blog to respond on the teachers blog about some book we were reading at the time. Then after that whole unit, I set out to make my own. I made like 3 blogs, but they were unsuccessful. It wasn't until June 2011 that I finally made a blog that I liked and that lasted more than a couple weeks.
I made one because I like to go back and read the things that I ramble about. I like to remember about times in my life and re reading posts about those times is very nice and informative.
Anyway, I seriously can't get over how amazing hummus is. It's like sooooooooo delicious<3
I'm in the process of filling my FAFSA out since I have a green card now. It's so hard! Mostly because the whole income tax thingy is back at home and everything has to be done over the phone. And in spanish. I literally cried yesterday filling part of it out. My mom screaming at me because she couldn't find a certain section and I'm upset because she couldn't find it and ARG! Can I just skip this?
Apparently not.
55 MORE DAYS TILL I'M HOME!
I made one because I like to go back and read the things that I ramble about. I like to remember about times in my life and re reading posts about those times is very nice and informative.
Anyway, I seriously can't get over how amazing hummus is. It's like sooooooooo delicious<3
I'm in the process of filling my FAFSA out since I have a green card now. It's so hard! Mostly because the whole income tax thingy is back at home and everything has to be done over the phone. And in spanish. I literally cried yesterday filling part of it out. My mom screaming at me because she couldn't find a certain section and I'm upset because she couldn't find it and ARG! Can I just skip this?
Apparently not.
55 MORE DAYS TILL I'M HOME!
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Doing the challenge on my own time- much easier.
So day 11 huh?
Alrighty.
Yeah, my brother is my best friend. The greatest one I will ever have too. No one will be able to make me laugh like he does. No one. (maybe one day I'll find someone who does)
While we're here I might as well update on life. Life is going by very fast; the semester too. Which is a good thing too because I can't wait to be home! Midterms are here too, which makes it more real that this interesting semester is almost over. Like, this semester has been pretty cool in its own way I gotta say. I've met some cool people too; people that I sometimes get weird feelings about. Like I've known them forever. Like there's this guy in my humanities class, with him it is too unbelievably easy to talk to and have a great laugh with. Like the other day he as telling me about his friend and how he tried to create butterbeer by putting real butter in root beer. That was hilarious to me. I constantly have to remind myself that this semester is a non focus on liking someone and only liking my schoolwork. Next semester I'll get back on that horse and step my game up.
In terms of roommates, it's much better. I don't not tolerate them anymore. It's easier and easier to talk to them which is good. We talk, we laugh, but still no Liz type roommateship.She is actually part of the very few people that I can entirely be myself around. Gosh, I love that chick.
So day 11 huh?
Alrighty.
Yeah, my brother is my best friend. The greatest one I will ever have too. No one will be able to make me laugh like he does. No one. (maybe one day I'll find someone who does)
While we're here I might as well update on life. Life is going by very fast; the semester too. Which is a good thing too because I can't wait to be home! Midterms are here too, which makes it more real that this interesting semester is almost over. Like, this semester has been pretty cool in its own way I gotta say. I've met some cool people too; people that I sometimes get weird feelings about. Like I've known them forever. Like there's this guy in my humanities class, with him it is too unbelievably easy to talk to and have a great laugh with. Like the other day he as telling me about his friend and how he tried to create butterbeer by putting real butter in root beer. That was hilarious to me. I constantly have to remind myself that this semester is a non focus on liking someone and only liking my schoolwork. Next semester I'll get back on that horse and step my game up.
In terms of roommates, it's much better. I don't not tolerate them anymore. It's easier and easier to talk to them which is good. We talk, we laugh, but still no Liz type roommateship.She is actually part of the very few people that I can entirely be myself around. Gosh, I love that chick.
When certain things happen that you didn't really plan for
Come on.
Listening to the backstreet boys does this to me.
Non challenge related
Don't you just miss people so much that it drives you crazy? And you have like a dry feeling in your throat that can't be quenched until you see them again?
Yeah, that's me.
Yeah, that's me.
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad
I feel so blank today. Not really blank, but pretty sad.
It's random too because nothing really triggered it although somehow I'm just plain out sad. So many things; I want this semester to be over, I'm homesick, I can't stand this weather, I can't really handle my homework, I miss my friends, I miss being myself.
Being here back in school is not what it was supposed to be and it's all my fault too.
Mehhh. I'm tired.
I don't want to do anything at all, just go lay in my bed, somehow acquire a mini refrigerator and store all my food there and survive off of that, and watch netflix until this semester is over.
I really wish I didn't procrastinate, I would get so much done, but I just can't focus. It's impossible to hear. And I don't want to go to the library carrying all my crap along with me up a hill because then I'll get sweaty and that's really uncomfortable.
My humanities critique to write about for the Mirari brass Quintet that I attended Tuesday and my Study Guide for my child development class. Doesn't seem like a lot, but this is long homework. Especially the critique homework because I have no idea how he wants us to write it. There's an article on WHAT to include in it, but not HOW to write it. I'm gonna go crazy with this. Although, I have all the information I need, I'm just stuck on the how part. I could actually get it done if I didn't really put so much focus on getting it exactly perfect. Because that's how much effort I put into my work. That's why I get perfect 100s on all my work. #nerdstatus
And I'm easily distracted. I know I should turn off my music and concentrate, but I can't. I love music too much. It hurts to turn it off.
Maybe I should leave my child development hw till tomorrow? Nope, I want my afternoon nap time. And netflix time. FOCUS! I need lunch, lolz.
SO OFF TOPIC!
Back on topic then off to REALLY finish my homework, pinky swear.
Music huh?
I love to listen to anything, but there are those songs that are perfect for how I feel. They vary too, but these are my current favorites.
Happy song
Sad Song
It's random too because nothing really triggered it although somehow I'm just plain out sad. So many things; I want this semester to be over, I'm homesick, I can't stand this weather, I can't really handle my homework, I miss my friends, I miss being myself.
Being here back in school is not what it was supposed to be and it's all my fault too.
Mehhh. I'm tired.
I don't want to do anything at all, just go lay in my bed, somehow acquire a mini refrigerator and store all my food there and survive off of that, and watch netflix until this semester is over.
I really wish I didn't procrastinate, I would get so much done, but I just can't focus. It's impossible to hear. And I don't want to go to the library carrying all my crap along with me up a hill because then I'll get sweaty and that's really uncomfortable.
My humanities critique to write about for the Mirari brass Quintet that I attended Tuesday and my Study Guide for my child development class. Doesn't seem like a lot, but this is long homework. Especially the critique homework because I have no idea how he wants us to write it. There's an article on WHAT to include in it, but not HOW to write it. I'm gonna go crazy with this. Although, I have all the information I need, I'm just stuck on the how part. I could actually get it done if I didn't really put so much focus on getting it exactly perfect. Because that's how much effort I put into my work. That's why I get perfect 100s on all my work. #nerdstatus
And I'm easily distracted. I know I should turn off my music and concentrate, but I can't. I love music too much. It hurts to turn it off.
Maybe I should leave my child development hw till tomorrow? Nope, I want my afternoon nap time. And netflix time. FOCUS! I need lunch, lolz.
SO OFF TOPIC!
Back on topic then off to REALLY finish my homework, pinky swear.
Music huh?
I love to listen to anything, but there are those songs that are perfect for how I feel. They vary too, but these are my current favorites.
Happy song
Sad Song
Bored Song
Hyped Song
Mad Song
Random Inspirational Song
Cause I feel like I finally am. Took me forever to realize it; that my life was sort of empty again without him and that I needed him, but I'm finally over feeling like this because all that matters to me now is me, my friends, my family, and my overall happiness--and right now I really can't stand feeling like that again. Feeling like I have to make room for someone else in my life and make them happy. It's too much work on both ends. That's why I'm taking a break from the whole love thing.
I really hate this though. Whoever came up with the rule that exes can't be friends, huh? That's why I'm still friends with my exes. Because I want to disprove that.
So working on it. And I hope we're friends again. I'm sick of the drama and living with the assumption that being around your ex is bad. It could be because feelings can resurface, but it's possible to be friends again and I finally feel like I'm completely ready for that, it's easy (yet weird) for me to be friends with my past loves of my life(:
---END RANT---
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
This semester I'm a hermit. I do my homework like all the time. That's what a majority of my life consists of now, but the reward is very satisfying because I have amazing grades right now. I'm taking hard classes this semester and getting them out of the way so that next semester I'm free to fully enjoy my college experience, the way it should be.
That's my biggest accomplishment that I'm currently very proud of right now(:
Lemme cheat a little bit and say 2 something's that I'm proud of.
As I mentioned before, I'm on track with my running schedule which I'm really happy about.
Although today I'm feeling pretty lazzzzzy. Maybe I should skip today and go early tomorrow since I don't have to do laundry. Yeaaaaaah, that's what I'm gonna do (:
On other non-blog challenge news; I am so hungry lately. I just want to eat everything. Meeeeeer.
I really want some chocolate. Maybe order some kiwi loco?
Nahh, I'm going there tomorrow anyway with Alida and Jenny. Finally, after like 1 entire semester with no contact whatsoever we're gonna hang out.
There's really nothing else to put on here. Nothing really interesting.
Hmmmm, maybe I should eat my mango. I have like 2 uneaten mangoes in the fridge that are screaming my name. Better that then just munching on kettlecorn and garlic crutons, yeah I know, not a very good combination at all.
Gonna go watch Saved by the Bell; trying to watch all the seasons.
Sayanora.
That's my biggest accomplishment that I'm currently very proud of right now(:
Lemme cheat a little bit and say 2 something's that I'm proud of.
As I mentioned before, I'm on track with my running schedule which I'm really happy about.
Although today I'm feeling pretty lazzzzzy. Maybe I should skip today and go early tomorrow since I don't have to do laundry. Yeaaaaaah, that's what I'm gonna do (:
On other non-blog challenge news; I am so hungry lately. I just want to eat everything. Meeeeeer.
I really want some chocolate. Maybe order some kiwi loco?
Nahh, I'm going there tomorrow anyway with Alida and Jenny. Finally, after like 1 entire semester with no contact whatsoever we're gonna hang out.
There's really nothing else to put on here. Nothing really interesting.
Hmmmm, maybe I should eat my mango. I have like 2 uneaten mangoes in the fridge that are screaming my name. Better that then just munching on kettlecorn and garlic crutons, yeah I know, not a very good combination at all.
Gonna go watch Saved by the Bell; trying to watch all the seasons.
Sayanora.
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you AND day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
I'm a day behind...so I'll save myself the time and do yesterday's and today's posts in one gianormous post!
Day 7: a picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.
I would obviously say Jesus Christ, duh.
But let's mix it up a little bit, huh? I'm gonna talk about my madre.
This is a weird picture because I look weird, but my mommy looks cute. :)
My mom is my greatest role model because she shows to me what it's like to really fight to something you believe in and to endure all the hard trials that life throws at you. She has been through so much; so much ridicule, sorrow, disappointment- yet she is still very firm in keeping herself with a believing heart and with a very strong faithful heart. She's obviously not perfect and I've experienced those moments where she was hanging on a thread, but she has taught me to be more positive in times of hard trials. She is the one who has taught me accept myself the way I am and to say no to people in my life that don't appreciate who I am. She has taught me about the importance of a family- even though we don't have a normal one. She has taught me to love the Gospel and basically if it wasn't for her I wouldn't be a member of the church.
Day 8: Short term goals for this month and why
Well, I sorta consider this month to be practically over since we've reached the double digits, but whatever.
Since the start of this semester I haven't missed a day where I didn't go to the gym. Well, minus the weekends (my muscles need a break sometimes you know).There was one day though where I missed a day, but I made it up on a Saturday(:
Anyway, my short-term goal is to just run for the rest of the semester. No zumba (tear) until I return home. Just run.
Let's list.
-Get through the rest of this month then JUNE then 1 more month till I return to my beloved New York.
-Stop using up money on things I really don't need (like sunglasses...which I bought today on amazon).
Wait, these look long term.
REDO.
-practice math for upcoming tests
-actually catch up with parenting book (like 20 chapters...)
-get ecclesiastical hold removed
-go to interview for said hold
-figure out classes for fall semester
That's all I can really think of that I need to accomplish this month.
Peace out.
Olive you (:
Day 7: a picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.
I would obviously say Jesus Christ, duh.
But let's mix it up a little bit, huh? I'm gonna talk about my madre.
This is a weird picture because I look weird, but my mommy looks cute. :)
My mom is my greatest role model because she shows to me what it's like to really fight to something you believe in and to endure all the hard trials that life throws at you. She has been through so much; so much ridicule, sorrow, disappointment- yet she is still very firm in keeping herself with a believing heart and with a very strong faithful heart. She's obviously not perfect and I've experienced those moments where she was hanging on a thread, but she has taught me to be more positive in times of hard trials. She is the one who has taught me accept myself the way I am and to say no to people in my life that don't appreciate who I am. She has taught me about the importance of a family- even though we don't have a normal one. She has taught me to love the Gospel and basically if it wasn't for her I wouldn't be a member of the church.
Day 8: Short term goals for this month and why
Well, I sorta consider this month to be practically over since we've reached the double digits, but whatever.
Since the start of this semester I haven't missed a day where I didn't go to the gym. Well, minus the weekends (my muscles need a break sometimes you know).There was one day though where I missed a day, but I made it up on a Saturday(:
Anyway, my short-term goal is to just run for the rest of the semester. No zumba (tear) until I return home. Just run.
Let's list.
-Get through the rest of this month then JUNE then 1 more month till I return to my beloved New York.
-Stop using up money on things I really don't need (like sunglasses...which I bought today on amazon).
Wait, these look long term.
REDO.
-practice math for upcoming tests
-actually catch up with parenting book (like 20 chapters...)
-get ecclesiastical hold removed
-go to interview for said hold
-figure out classes for fall semester
That's all I can really think of that I need to accomplish this month.
Peace out.
Olive you (:
Day 6- Favorite super hero and why
I'm not really into the whole superhero thing so no idea how in the world I'm supposed to think of one.
Let's see, maybe Superman? Only because I like the movie; the old version one, not the Hollywood version.
There's nothing in particular that I admire about him, except his ability to fly- minus the cape.
I would love to learn to fly because (surprise, surprise) then I wouldn't need to learn how to drive, which I STILL don't know how to do. Although, since I have my green card now I can apply for my permit and figure out the whole modified car thing for cases like mine. Yeah, but if I knew how to fly- life would be fun and so much easier.
This was my favorite Superman ever. Not the weird cartoon and not the Hollywood Superman.
Let's see, maybe Superman? Only because I like the movie; the old version one, not the Hollywood version.
There's nothing in particular that I admire about him, except his ability to fly- minus the cape.
I would love to learn to fly because (surprise, surprise) then I wouldn't need to learn how to drive, which I STILL don't know how to do. Although, since I have my green card now I can apply for my permit and figure out the whole modified car thing for cases like mine. Yeah, but if I knew how to fly- life would be fun and so much easier.
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
NOTE: This post was written yesterday; day 5 of the challenge. I just forgot to upload it.
Temple Square in Salt Lake City, Utah.
I went here during conference in October 11', but I first came here in September with my mom when we were on our way to BYU-Idaho fall semester with Alida and her mom. It was so cool. My favorite part was when we went to the visitor's center with some sister missionaries we met and watched a video about eternal families. I was bawling because the spirit touched me so strongly during that time. I thought about how someday I'm going to have a family of my own and we'll be together forever. But I was also sad at the fact that my current family might not be able to enjoy this blessing because of my dad not being a member. Everything is possible, right? Nothing is impossible with the Lord. He can make things happen that you think will never happen in a million years. For example, today my mom called me to tell me that our green cards arrived in the mail. Finally, after 13 years of waiting for these pieces of plastic. And here I thought that this moment would never happen, but it did. Now to wait 5 years to become a full US citizen. Oh boy, more waiting.
Apparently the same spiritual moment happened to my mom; she bawled too. It was truly a touching moment for both of us. That was my favorite part of the trip to Temple Square. Hopefully I go here again soon, but this time with my siblings too.
Something completely unrelated
Apparently there are 10 more weeks left of the semester. 10 more weeks of feeling like I'm not at home.
Because that's what fall semester felt like for me. Where I lived, especially with the people I spent with on a daily basis- that felt like home. The way it should be.
Like I said before, lesson learned.
And always listen to your mom because she's always right.
How many times will it be before I finally get this stuck into my head?
This weekend was fun. I spent it at Steph's apartment. From Friday to Monday. It really is nice; the silence that is here compared to the chaos that awaits for me when I return to my own apartment. The funny thing is though that I sorta miss that apartment. Mainly my bed. And the potential of seeing the guy that kinda drives me crazy.
I haven't even talked to him except for saying "hey" yet I kinda feel like I know him?
Kinda like how I felt about Cainan; like I've met him before- ya know?
MERP.
I'm just gonna leave everything up to the Lord. If something big is supposed to happen with this whole guy thing, so be it.
My anonymous commenter said to go for it. Thing is I'm done doing the pursuing. Soooooooooo, that's that.
TALKING ABOUT GUYS- on Saturday I went on a media hunt for my humanities class with my group. There's this guy I sit next to in class who was in my group and he's so nice. We get along really well. We really hit it off; friend wise. I'm happy about all the cool people I'm meeting this semester.
Talking about friends; I forgot to mention one very important guy in my life.
My best friend Mike. He's always been there for me since the very start and I'm so grateful for that. Anything I need; an ear to talk to or complain to- he's always there to listen.
I'm so grateful for all the people in my life that make my life happy and the people that are to come into it in the future :)
Because that's what fall semester felt like for me. Where I lived, especially with the people I spent with on a daily basis- that felt like home. The way it should be.
Like I said before, lesson learned.
And always listen to your mom because she's always right.
How many times will it be before I finally get this stuck into my head?
This weekend was fun. I spent it at Steph's apartment. From Friday to Monday. It really is nice; the silence that is here compared to the chaos that awaits for me when I return to my own apartment. The funny thing is though that I sorta miss that apartment. Mainly my bed. And the potential of seeing the guy that kinda drives me crazy.
I haven't even talked to him except for saying "hey" yet I kinda feel like I know him?
Kinda like how I felt about Cainan; like I've met him before- ya know?
MERP.
I'm just gonna leave everything up to the Lord. If something big is supposed to happen with this whole guy thing, so be it.
My anonymous commenter said to go for it. Thing is I'm done doing the pursuing. Soooooooooo, that's that.
TALKING ABOUT GUYS- on Saturday I went on a media hunt for my humanities class with my group. There's this guy I sit next to in class who was in my group and he's so nice. We get along really well. We really hit it off; friend wise. I'm happy about all the cool people I'm meeting this semester.
Talking about friends; I forgot to mention one very important guy in my life.
My best friend Mike. He's always been there for me since the very start and I'm so grateful for that. Anything I need; an ear to talk to or complain to- he's always there to listen.
I'm so grateful for all the people in my life that make my life happy and the people that are to come into it in the future :)
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn't have
A habit? Hmmmmmm?
I really can't think of one. WELL, my biggest "habit" is leaving everything till the last minute. And when I do I'm rushing everywhere trying to finish that task and then I get all stressed out and....just writing about it makes me panic. The thing is though, when I leave things till the last possible minute, I work better and get things done faster. When I know I have a week or a couple days to do it I put it off because I know I have time, but I don't cause I leave to do this assignment till the last minute. I work better under stress though, that's why. But I really wish I didn't. It would be nice to get things done before they're actually supposed to be done so that I could have some extra and MUCH NEEDED down time. Overall, I just described procrastination.
Procrastination; that's my bad habit I wish I could get rid of.
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Well there's definitely more than one picture because I have all different types of friends from different types of places...haha
My friends have changed throughout the years. Some have moved away, some stopped talking to me, and some some just left without any reason at all. But these snazzy people at the moment are a group of people I not only enjoy spending time with and laughing my head off with, but they're also people that have changed my life and made it a tad bit more bearable.
They have all taught me so many things; like Liz (or Lisabeth as she wants to be called now) has tauht me that it's ok to be yourself . Tiffany has taught me that I can do anything I set my mind to. 7 years ago I met this snazzy chica and boy am I glad. She's the only one that knows everything about me and doesn't judge. Luna taught me to get in touch with my latina roots and to be a more charitable person. Cainan has taught me to get super motivated to turn my life around and to make myself worthy again. He's the main reason that I developed that courage to go through the entire repentance process and release those chains of torment that I put myself into for so many years. So thank you, where ever you are. :)
And a bunch of other people...well the list of lessons goes on.
So thank you for being in my life.
Day 02- The meaning behind your Blogger name
The meaning behind my blogger name is pretty simple. It comes from a Panic! At The Disco song that I really hold close to my heart. Haha, just kidding. I love this song- it's really good and all that jazz. The video is really something too.
Here ya go.
Pretty self explanatory.
Here ya go.
Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
15 facts? Here goes...
1. I was born on December 27, 992. I like to think it was on a Sunday for some reason.
2. I'm currently 19 years old. Hard to believe for some people actually because according to them I look like I'm 16 or something. It's not cool.
3. I'm short. 5'3.
4. I really enjoy music. It makes up practically my whole life. I can spend an entire day in my room just listening to whatever I'm in the mood for. I like all types of music, there really isn't a genre I don't like. Like I used to not really like listening to reggeaton, but now (according to my previous post) I really love it.
5. I don't like change. I don't like it because it confuses me. I'm used to routine things with the usual people. I'm not completely opposed to it; as a matter of fact I like it sometimes, but for the most part I like things to stay the way they are. But more in the social sense.
6. I love exercise. I used to hate it like a lot, but now I can't go on with my day if I don't do it. (excluding Sundays of course!)
7. I love my family. They have taught me so much about life and I feel like we were all meant to be together because of the way our relationships are. (yes, even my dad)
8. I have 2 pets; a cat and a dog. I have parakeets too, but I usually don't count them because they don't really do anything besides chirp, eat, sleep, and poop. My cat Michela and my do Josie, they do those things too (minus the chirping), but they are like little kids in animal bodies. They can sense when I'm sad and comfort me. I love both of them so much.
9. My brother is my best friend. When I talk to people, they usually say that they don't really have a strong relationship with their siblings. I do! I love my little sister to death, but my relationship with my brother is one that..well...is really strong. He's like my other half. Without him I don't feel myself or complete. Life isn't happy if he's not in it.
10. I hate it when people eat chips or basically anything that makes crunch noises...especially if I'm trying to sleep or concentrate on something.
11. I love to laugh. That's a must have quality that my future husband must have or it's a no go.
12. I have mild hemiplegia. I don't like calling it a disability even though it can be classified as that. I like to think of it as a blanket...a blanket that prevents me from becoming like the rest of the world and that makes me into who I am.
13. I love to sing. I've been told I'm pretty good. I especially like singing in Spanish.
14. I'm really good at telling when people lie to me. So watch out.
15. And most important of all... I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Click here if you don't know what we're all about. And no, there's no polygamy!
30 day blogger challenge
I saw this on another person's blog and I was like "what the heck, I might as well" So here goes.
•Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
•Day 02- The meaning behind your Blogger name
•Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
•Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
•Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
•Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
•Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
•Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
•Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
•Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
•Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
•Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
•Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
•Day 14- A picture of you and your family
•Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
•Day 16- Another picture of yourself (baby pic!)
•Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
•Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
•Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
•Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
•Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
•Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
•Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
•Day 24- A letter to your parents
•Day 25- What I would find in your bag
•Day 26- What you think about your friends
•Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
•Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
•Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
•Day 30- Who are you?
•Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
•Day 02- The meaning behind your Blogger name
•Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
•Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
•Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
•Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
•Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
•Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
•Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
•Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
•Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
•Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
•Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
•Day 14- A picture of you and your family
•Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
•Day 16- Another picture of yourself (baby pic!)
•Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
•Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
•Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
•Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
•Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
•Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
•Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
•Day 24- A letter to your parents
•Day 25- What I would find in your bag
•Day 26- What you think about your friends
•Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
•Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
•Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
•Day 30- Who are you?
Favs
These are a few songs that I'm currently REALLY into. Great songs to workout to too. And walk to class to; it pumps me up. I love it.
Excuse the video, I only like the song. And yes, I am currently very into Daddy Yankee--among other artists and music genres.
And Wisin y Wandel.
This would be a good time to know spanish...hehehe.
I like his voice; it's not singing---musical rhyming? It's not rap.
I seriously love reggeaton.
And this....it's like whoa.
Overall, I really really like Daddy Yankee now.
And Wisin y Wandel.
I love music...I really do. I love all the kinds that are out there. And I love discovering new types of music I enjoy listening to.
:)
C'mon, seriously...?
My main priority this semester is to 100% focus on school and keeping my grades in the A area. Basically I'm a TOTAL hermit this semester (sorta...kinda...like 80% of the time). I go to class, go to the gym. and do homework. On the weekends I do laundry and I go over to Steph's and stay until curfew. My other goal was to eliminate my boy crazy nature so that I could focus. I'm actually doing ok I guess...not really paying so much attention on the attractiveness of every guy I encounter on a daily basis here at school. BUT SERIOUSLY?
I think life is playing a joke on me; trying to make me loose my focus. So today in Book of Mormon, I sit in my usual seat; front row (I have sight issues) . I'm sitting there, waiting for my buddy Emily to arrive and then this totally gorgeous guy comes and sits next to me. He took Emily's seat, I was kinda pissed BUT luckily there was another seat on my other side. Anyway, throughout the entire class (or at least a majority of it) 1. I caught him looking at me and 2. he was flexing his arms. In my mind I was like "really?" I couldn't focus at all. Then he kept leaning in closer to me. I was like, "ummmm..." And every time he saw I was looking at him (not intentionally-- I needed to see the teacher) he turned red. Did I mention he has an amazing singing voice?
See, this is why I can't be focusing on things like this--I loose focus in class.
Then there's this other guy. I show zero interest in him yet I have a feeling that he's going to try to pull something. Every time he sees me he's like "hi Jess" and I usually just mutter a quick friendly "hey" back and go on my way. Like really, I have a gut feeling something's going to happen. Just watch nothing happen and I'm over-thinking like I usually do. But that simple "hi Jess" drives me crazy. I start dreaming about him (life being not so funny again) and getting all weird feelings in the pit of my stomach when he pops into my mind. And he makes his way into my mind at the randomest moments too--I'm not even thinking about anything then POW, he's on my mind.
You gotta be kidding me, at the moment when I want to concentrate and put all my effort into school--guys start popping out of the blue. When I need them to, nothing. But when I don't...this happens.
I think life is playing a joke on me; trying to make me loose my focus. So today in Book of Mormon, I sit in my usual seat; front row (I have sight issues) . I'm sitting there, waiting for my buddy Emily to arrive and then this totally gorgeous guy comes and sits next to me. He took Emily's seat, I was kinda pissed BUT luckily there was another seat on my other side. Anyway, throughout the entire class (or at least a majority of it) 1. I caught him looking at me and 2. he was flexing his arms. In my mind I was like "really?" I couldn't focus at all. Then he kept leaning in closer to me. I was like, "ummmm..." And every time he saw I was looking at him (not intentionally-- I needed to see the teacher) he turned red. Did I mention he has an amazing singing voice?
See, this is why I can't be focusing on things like this--I loose focus in class.
Then there's this other guy. I show zero interest in him yet I have a feeling that he's going to try to pull something. Every time he sees me he's like "hi Jess" and I usually just mutter a quick friendly "hey" back and go on my way. Like really, I have a gut feeling something's going to happen. Just watch nothing happen and I'm over-thinking like I usually do. But that simple "hi Jess" drives me crazy. I start dreaming about him (life being not so funny again) and getting all weird feelings in the pit of my stomach when he pops into my mind. And he makes his way into my mind at the randomest moments too--I'm not even thinking about anything then POW, he's on my mind.
You gotta be kidding me, at the moment when I want to concentrate and put all my effort into school--guys start popping out of the blue. When I need them to, nothing. But when I don't...this happens.
This too shall give thee experience
That's how I usually feel like. MUR!
I seriously need to be more positive about this situation I'm in. Like my mom says "this will give you experience" and it will! I learned a very valuable lesson from it too: Don't room with strangers. Ok, people can handle this, but I can't. I need to be with people that I know. I'm not good at adjusting to new things, it freaks me out. I'm just that way I guess.
So today for FHE we're playing frisbee. I'm still gonna go--make an appearance, but I don't plan on playing because of my "condition" hahahaha.
I told my FHE mom about it (sorta, not the full details or anything). As time goes on I'm becoming more and more comfortable telling people about my medical situation. The only main reason why I'm hesitant is because I don't want people to feel sorry for me and end up treating and looking at me differently. It kills me. People will treat me differently like a charity case or whatever and I'll end up feeling like crap. I just want people to like me and talk to me for ME and my personality, not because they feel sorry for me. I don't need sympathy. It's nice and whatever at times, but I have enough sympathy from years worth of worthless doctor's visits that ended up doing close to nothing for me except treat me like a human guinea pig. I just want to be treated like everyone else, that's all. That's also why I have acceptance issues-- because I'm freaked out people won't like me when they find out and start seeing me as a "freak" or whatever. That's what goes on in my mind. I'm pretty sure that most people who know about me don't think I'm a freak, but I can't help thinking that new people I meet will when they find out or see me with a majority of my hand movements directed mainly by my right hand.
My best friend Tiffany always brings this up. To find a doctor to help me. But the thing is that I have. And I was SO close to getting a tendon transplant to give my hand a majority (not all) of its movement back, but the doctor cancelled it at the last moment--like the day before. I was so mad and upset. I cried for hours. There goes my chance to be at least a bit normal. Then it hit me. Heavenly Father gave me this for a reason and rather than try to fight against it, I was going to accept it. Because let's face it, this condition (known as mild hemiplegia actually. A ton of people have the much more serious one- like no movement at all whereas I have some movement. Most cases are in the UK) makes me into who I am. It's a part of me. It's what makes me ME. It has also taught me to build my faith in the Lord and of course it has tremendously contributed to my testimony. I didn't give up, but I'm not fighting anymore. I have just learned to accept the way the Lord made me. I have learned how to work my way around it. I learned to type with my right hand. I can catch almost perfectly with only my right. I can do almost everything that a normal person can. It's not that I don't use my left and just let it dangle. I try to use it. Use it for supporting me when my right can't handle it all on it's own.
I look forward to the day of the First Resurrection--where our bodies will be perfected and all infirmities are cured. But in the meantime, gotta endure until the end.
(That's also why I absolutely love the Gospel. Because it gives me hope. It gives me that reassurance that everything is going to be OK and I just have to be faithful.)
So far this semester has allowed me to rely tremendously of the Lord.
And I love that.
I seriously need to be more positive about this situation I'm in. Like my mom says "this will give you experience" and it will! I learned a very valuable lesson from it too: Don't room with strangers. Ok, people can handle this, but I can't. I need to be with people that I know. I'm not good at adjusting to new things, it freaks me out. I'm just that way I guess.
So today for FHE we're playing frisbee. I'm still gonna go--make an appearance, but I don't plan on playing because of my "condition" hahahaha.
I told my FHE mom about it (sorta, not the full details or anything). As time goes on I'm becoming more and more comfortable telling people about my medical situation. The only main reason why I'm hesitant is because I don't want people to feel sorry for me and end up treating and looking at me differently. It kills me. People will treat me differently like a charity case or whatever and I'll end up feeling like crap. I just want people to like me and talk to me for ME and my personality, not because they feel sorry for me. I don't need sympathy. It's nice and whatever at times, but I have enough sympathy from years worth of worthless doctor's visits that ended up doing close to nothing for me except treat me like a human guinea pig. I just want to be treated like everyone else, that's all. That's also why I have acceptance issues-- because I'm freaked out people won't like me when they find out and start seeing me as a "freak" or whatever. That's what goes on in my mind. I'm pretty sure that most people who know about me don't think I'm a freak, but I can't help thinking that new people I meet will when they find out or see me with a majority of my hand movements directed mainly by my right hand.
My best friend Tiffany always brings this up. To find a doctor to help me. But the thing is that I have. And I was SO close to getting a tendon transplant to give my hand a majority (not all) of its movement back, but the doctor cancelled it at the last moment--like the day before. I was so mad and upset. I cried for hours. There goes my chance to be at least a bit normal. Then it hit me. Heavenly Father gave me this for a reason and rather than try to fight against it, I was going to accept it. Because let's face it, this condition (known as mild hemiplegia actually. A ton of people have the much more serious one- like no movement at all whereas I have some movement. Most cases are in the UK) makes me into who I am. It's a part of me. It's what makes me ME. It has also taught me to build my faith in the Lord and of course it has tremendously contributed to my testimony. I didn't give up, but I'm not fighting anymore. I have just learned to accept the way the Lord made me. I have learned how to work my way around it. I learned to type with my right hand. I can catch almost perfectly with only my right. I can do almost everything that a normal person can. It's not that I don't use my left and just let it dangle. I try to use it. Use it for supporting me when my right can't handle it all on it's own.
I look forward to the day of the First Resurrection--where our bodies will be perfected and all infirmities are cured. But in the meantime, gotta endure until the end.
(That's also why I absolutely love the Gospel. Because it gives me hope. It gives me that reassurance that everything is going to be OK and I just have to be faithful.)
So far this semester has allowed me to rely tremendously of the Lord.
And I love that.
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