This too shall give thee experience

That's how I usually feel like. MUR!
I seriously need to be more positive about this situation I'm in. Like my mom says "this will give you experience" and it will! I learned a very valuable lesson from it too: Don't room with strangers. Ok, people can handle this, but I can't. I need to be with people that I know. I'm not good at adjusting to new things, it freaks me out. I'm just that way I guess.

So today for FHE we're playing frisbee. I'm still gonna go--make an appearance, but I don't plan on playing because of my "condition" hahahaha.
I told my FHE mom about it (sorta, not the full details or anything). As time goes on I'm becoming more and more comfortable telling people about my medical situation. The only main reason why I'm hesitant is because I don't want people to feel sorry for me and end up treating and looking at me differently. It kills me. People will treat me differently like a charity case or whatever and I'll end up feeling like crap. I just want people to like me and talk to me for ME and my personality, not because they feel sorry for me. I don't need sympathy. It's nice and whatever at times, but I have enough sympathy from years worth of worthless doctor's visits that ended up doing close to nothing for me except treat me like a human guinea pig. I just want to be treated like everyone else, that's all. That's also why I have acceptance issues-- because I'm freaked out people won't like me when they find out and start seeing me as a "freak" or whatever. That's what goes on in my mind. I'm pretty sure that most people who know about me don't think I'm a freak, but I can't help thinking that new people I meet will when they find out or see me with a majority of my hand movements directed mainly by my right hand.

My best friend Tiffany always brings this up. To find a doctor to help me. But the thing is that I have. And I was SO close to getting a tendon transplant to give my hand a majority (not all) of its movement back, but the doctor cancelled it at the last moment--like the day before. I was so mad and upset. I cried for hours. There goes my chance to be at least a bit normal. Then it hit me. Heavenly Father gave me this for a reason and rather than try to fight against it, I was going to accept it. Because let's face it, this condition (known as mild hemiplegia actually. A ton of people have the much more serious one- like no movement at all whereas I have some movement. Most cases are in the UK) makes me into who I am. It's a part of me. It's what makes me ME. It has also taught me to build my faith in the Lord and of course it has tremendously contributed to my testimony. I didn't give up, but I'm not fighting anymore. I have just learned to accept the way the Lord made me. I have learned how to work my way around it. I learned to type with my right hand. I can catch almost perfectly with only my right. I can do almost everything that a normal person can. It's not that I don't use my left and just let it dangle. I try to use it. Use it for supporting me when my right can't handle it all on it's own.

I look forward to the day of the First Resurrection--where our bodies will be perfected and all infirmities are cured. But in the meantime, gotta endure until the end.

(That's also why I absolutely love the Gospel. Because it gives me hope. It gives me that reassurance that everything is going to be OK and I just have to be faithful.)

So far this semester has allowed me to rely tremendously of the Lord.
And I love that.